Nine Months of Hell
by Randy Taylor
Summary: Someone the Taylors are associated with is pregnant. And it isn't Al. But, one of the Taylors has something to do with this pregnancy. A/N: I rewrote this. It is no longer about Heidi, but about Lauren. So, if you've already read it, please read it again
1. Chapter 1: Sex for Beginners

Chapter 1

Someone associated with the Taylors is pregnant (not Al), but that isn't the entire story. One of the Taylors has something to do with this pregnancy.

Nine Months of Hell

A/N: This story takes place around late February of '98.

A/N: I rewrote this to make Lauren pregnant after I got some advice from Baxxie. It is still basically the same though, it just has absolutely nothing to do with Heidi now.

Tim walked through the door to the house from the garage. He had just arrived home from work.

Just then, Tim heard footsteps at the door. In came Jill, then Randy, then Brad, then Mark, all stomping what was the remnants of a full fledged Michigan blizzard off of their boots.

'Alright, alright. Enough!' screamed a clearly annoyed Jill. 'I thought I made this clear on the car ride home, Randy saw the shirt first, and therefore it is his damn shirt. Now all three of you just shut up or no one gets the frickin' thing'!

Jill was barely through shouting when the phone rang. Randy answered.

'Uh-huh...uh-huh...yeah, let me ask them' said Randy to the mystery caller.

'Hey, mom, dad, it's Lauren on the phone. She wants to know if she can come over here for tonight. Her parents are dad is out of town, and her mom has to work late. She says it's alright with her parents, she just needs you guys to okay it' Randy said, sounding excited by this oppurtuniy. 'So, can she?' he asked impatiently.

'Sure, if it's alright with your father' answered Jill.

'It's fine by me' Tim said as he went to the fridge and grabbed a beer.

* * *

That night over supper, the situation and the sleeping arrangements were explained to all three of the boys. As usual, by the time Jill was finished explaining, Tim was genuinely confused.

The rest of the evening passed nonchalantly. The boys and Lauren retired to bed at 11:00.

It was decided Lauren, being Randy's girlfriend, would sleep downstairs in the basement, with Randy. (She would get the bed, and Randy would sleep on the floor).

It was about 2:30 when Lauren woke up. She had dreamt that her dad had been in an accident on his way back to Detroit. In an instant, Randy was next to her. He told her he had heard her screaming in her sleep.

For the next few hours, Randy and Lauren just sat down there and talked. About relationships, parents, siblings, and just life in general. After all of this, the two shared a consoling hug. Soon the hug turned into an embrace, with passionate kissing to soon follow. The next thing either of them realized was lying on the floor, neither of them with a stitch of clothing on below the waist. Both were moaning. It wasn't a painful moan, or a sad moan, but a moan filled to the brim with lust and an infinite level of satisfaction.

Randy was the first to look up. 6:31 declared his alarm clock. They had been up for four hours, and had talked for only about two of those. Then the realization hit him of what he had done. Of who he had done this…this unmentionable thing with. Who had started it? Was it her? No. She was very adamant about not having sex before she was married. He sure as hell hadn't started it. Or did he? Maybe...maybe it was consensual. Is that possible? They were often thinking on the same level as each other. Maybe one just read the other's mind. What had he done?

He had committed a sin, and had broken a law. The sin, he didn't much care about, but the law, he cared about. He had just turned 16, Lauren wouldn't be 16 until May. He could be arrested and charged with statutory rape!

What the hell had happened since 4:30? What the hell were they thinking? That's all that raced through Randy's mind as he lay there, groping in the dark for his underwear.

Then it dawned on him. His parents would be pissed! Brad got in trouble for just **kissing** a girl in his room. Randy had actually had sex with a girl!

'She gets irate just over me even thinking about sex or naked women. Hell, she still can't even stand the thought of me masturbating' thought Randy.

Then it dawned on Lauren what had happened. If her parents found out, they'd be pissed at her for having screwed around with somebody.

'Oh shit' thought Lauren.

What happens if someone, anyone finds out about this. Randy could get in trouble because of me! He could get arrested, go to jail, have to pay fines.

It was clear then that they could tell no one of what had happened during the wee hours of that cold, Detroit February morning.

A/N: Please R&R


	2. Chapter 2: Am I Late?

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 2

It has been two weeks since the night that Lauren slept over at the Taylor's. So far no one has found out or even questioned what went on or may have gone on in Randy's room that night.

Randy was sitting at the dining room table finishing up his Biology homework when the phone rang. Jill hollered she had it.

'Randy, telephone!' Jill bellowed a few seconds later. 'And make it snappy, I'm expecting a call from Patty' she added, just as loudly.

'Okay' Randy yelled back.

'Hello?' Randy answered the phone.

It was Lauren. The two hadn't really spoken much since that night. Not necessarily by choice, but more out of fear of their parents thinking something fishy is up between them.

'Randy, we need to talk. Can I meet you at the Baskin Robbins on Washington in about an hour?' Lauren answered rather hastily.

'Sure. How do you propose I get there? I don't have my license yet Lauren.' Randy said in a wiseass tone of voice.

'I don't know. Ride a bike or something.' Lauren answered snippily.

'Yeah, in the middle of March. I'll freeze my butt off by the time I get there.' Randy replied back, in the same wiseass tone.

Lauren started to say something, but he stopped her.

'Never mind what I just said, I'll be there in an hour. I'll be frozen and have snotcicles coming out of my nostrils, but I'll be there.' Randy said all to seriously.

'Mom, dad, I'm meeting Lauren at the Baskin Robbins. I'm taking my bike, and I'll be back around 6 or so.' Randy stated, without waiting for either of them to give any clearance for this event.

Out the door he tore, and within a few minutes his bike was flying out of the Taylor driveway like a lime green bat out of hell.

At the Baskin Robbins, Lauren sat waiting, staring out the window, looking for any sign of her boyfriend.

Then just as it started to snow, she saw something go whizzing past the front of the store. A few minutes later, in walked Randy, with what appeared to be a bad case of dandruff, but was really just snow collected on his head.

'Hey, I didn't see your bike out there Lauren. Where is it?' Randy asked, concerned.

'I got my mom to drop me off on her way to the mall. I'll give her a call when we get finished here, and she can pick us up. She has the truck with her, so you can even take your bike home' said Lauren between bites of what appeared to be half melted vanilla ice cream with strawberry syrup, and gummy bears thrown in.

'So, what can I get you son?' asked the elderly gentleman behind the counter.

'Uhh…just give me a Jamoca cone' said Randy, only half interested in the ice cream.

'So, Lauren, what is it we need to talk about' Randy said, turning his attention to his girlfriend.

She looked like she'd been crying.

'I don't really know how to put this gently, so I'll just be frank with you' Lauren said worriedly. 'I missed my period for this month. So yesterday afternoon I bought a pregnancy test at Walgreens. Randy, it came back positive' Lauren managed to say through sobs.

'Well, uh, those things aren't fool proof Lauren. The meter could just be messed up or something' stuttered Randy.

'Randy, that may explain the test for you, but how do you explain me missing my period? Are you going to say my body is just messed up' Lauren questioned.

'Okay, so maybe the thing isn't screwed up. So, does anyone except me and Johnny Sunshine here know about this?' Randy asked.

'No, I wanted to tell you first' whispered Lauren.

'Well, we have to tell someone. I mean, as the weeks go by and you keep getting fatter and fatter, I think your parents will notice'. Randy smiled.

'Oh, sure, make jokes about this'. Lauren said as she rolled her eyes.

'Okay, so a pregnant woman and a pregnancy test walk into a Baskin Robbins, and one orders a Jamocha cone with pickles and mustard and the other or-' jokes Randy.

'I'm serious about this. We have to tell somebody. But who?' wondered Lauren.

'Well, your father is out, he'd pound my balls flat with a wooden hammer. Your mother would probably just rip my balls out with her bare hands if she found out'. Randy started to continue, but was interrupted by the old man.

'I need to go home, so I'll give you all another 5 minutes to get out of here' the man says.

Randy just ignored him.

'Well, my mom would be just as irate, though she would spare me the pain of having my balls ripped out or pounded flat. I say we tell my dad first. He'll know what to do' said Randy.

'Wait'. Lauren said, almost inaudibly due to a mouth full of ice cream. 'What about that neighbor of yours next door. That uh…what's his name…Wilson! He would know the best way for us to tell your dad, so he doesn't lose it either'.

'Great idea Lauren' said Randy, very audible, due to the fact his ice cream hadn't even been touched yet.

'Well, it's settled then. We'll tell Wilson, and then tell your dad'. Then we can tell my parents and your mom at the same time'. Lauren said, eyeing Randy's cone.

'Are you going to finish that ice cream Randy' Lauren inquired politely.

'No, you can go ahead and have it' answered Randy.

'Excuse me sir' Lauren asked the old man as she dumped the Jamocha ice cream out of Randy's cone into her bowl. 'Do you have any pickles back there?'

* * *

A/N: Sorry if some of the information on Lauren's "feminine issues" is incorrect. I'm a guy, so I have next to no knowledge of periods, and seeing as how I've never been pregnant or even thought I was pregnant, I have no idea about pregnancy tests either. Please R&R.

P.S. I hope this chapter is better than the first one was. I'm still not too sure whether or not this fic will make it or not. Maybe I just need to get a few chapters into it.

Yours truly, Randy Taylor.


	3. Chapter 3, part 1: To Tell the Truth

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 3

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 3

'Hey, Wilson, are you home?' called Randy

.

'Why, yes indeed; Taylor teen' answered Wilson.

'Wilson, Lauren and I have a question for you. Lauren wants to ask it though' Randy said.

'Thanks a lot, Randy' Lauren mumbled under her breath.

'So, Wilson, or what's your last name? It just seems funny to call you by your first name' Lauren inquired.

'My last name is Wilson' Wilson said without even cracking a smile.

'I thought that was your first name' said a surprised Lauren.

'Oh, it is. As well as my middle name' Wilson stated matter-of-factly.

'Anyways, Wilson, remember that night that I slept over at the Taylor's house' asked Lauren.

'Yes I do. You know, around 2:30 I heard some screaming. It didn't bother me, but it did bother Polly, my parrot. My baby mountain lion thought it was a rabbit' Wilson said.

'That screaming was me. I had a nightmare that my dad was in an accident on his way home to Detroit. Randy obviously heard me, and woke up to see what was wrong. We talked for a while after that'. Lauren explained.

'Well now, that doesn't sound so bad to me. What on earth is wrong with just talking?' Wilson asked.

'Well, after that talk we, I mean Randy and I, kind of umm… hugged. Then we really lost our minds… and started kissing. The next thing either of us can remember, its 6:30 in the morning and both of us are laying on the floor, without any clothes on. Then a few days ago, I noticed I was late. You know, like my period was late. So I bought a pregnancy test, if anything just to prove my fears wrong and settle my nerves. The pregnancy test came back positive. Randy and I decided to tell his parents first, but we have no idea even how to broach the subject of it. I mean, obviously we can't lie about it, but how can we tell the whole truth either?' Lauren said, at first rather slowly and hesitantly, and then at last extremely quickly.

'Your situation reminds me of the author Arthur Koestler's words in the preface to The Ghost in the Machine.

Koestler said "Two half truths do not make a truth".

'Yes but I believe it was Calvin Coolidge' began Randy, 'who said "nothing I never said never did me any harm"'.

'Very good young neighbor. But I believe the Italians have the final say in this matter.

They said " A little truth helps a lie go down" quoted Wilson.

'But like Lorenzo Dow said, "You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't"' Lauren added.

'Also very good teenage Taylor friend.' Wilson complimented.

'Here's my advice. Just tell the whole truth'. Wilson said.

Randy, who had been quiet for a few minutes spoke 'But how. I mean, I can't just walk up to them and say "Hey, mom, dad, remember that night Lauren stayed here. Yeah, well, I had sex and got her pregnant. Congrats, you'll have a grandchild in 7 ½ months."'.

'No, but deceiving them with a partial truth is only deceiving yourself' said Wilson with a little chuckle.

'Okay, well thanks Wilson. You're a great neighbor. I'll see you later. Hopefully with most of my crotch area still intact' Randy said, but only half jokingly.

Randy and Lauren walked around the fence, and entered the Taylor home.

Tim was sitting on the couch, watching something on ESPN. Jill was at school for a late class. This was a good sign. Randy knew his father was less likely to have a conniption fit about Lauren being pregnant. And he knew his father would never dream of taking a wooden hammer to anyone's  balls, let alone his own son's.

'Hey dad, Lauren and I need to talk to you about something very important' Randy said.

Tim just ignored him.

'Dad, I'm serious. This is kind of an emergency waiting to happen' Randy said a little louder.

Tim still ignored his middle son.

'Dad, if you don't answer me this time, I'm going to take all of your tools and toss them into Lake Michigan' Randy said tauntingly.

That got Tim's attention.

'Hey, don't you **touch** my tools. Those things are you boys' inheritance from me' said Tim.

'Now what is it that you saw at the emergency room that you want to talk about?' said Tim, blundering his way through the sentence in his typical fashion.

'No, we need to talk to you about something that is kind of an emergency' Randy said.

'Go on Randy, I told it to Wilson, you tell it to your dad' Lauren said, somewhat smug that she doesn't have to tell the story'.

'Dad, you remember that night about a month and a half ago when Lauren spent the night?' Randy began. He waited for no reply though. 'Lauren had a bad dream that night, and she started screaming, which woke me up. I asked what was wrong, and then she told me about the nightmare she'd had. Then we talked for a few hours about a bunch of stuff. After that, we started hugging. That led to kissing, which in turn led to full fledged… s-s-sex. Now, before you say anything, let me finish. A few days ago…well, Lauren, maybe you'd better tell this part' Randy speedily said.

'Right Randy. So a few days ago, I noticed my period was late. Just to settle my nerves, I bought a pregnancy test. Mr. Taylor, the test came back positive' Lauren said in almost a whisper.

'Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back the hug Bug up here. You two had _sex_! What the hell is wrong with you two? Why the hell did you do that? You know this means you have to tell your parents now Lauren' Tim said whilst rubbing the back of his neck.

'Well tell me this, is this the first time you all have done this?' Tim questioned.

'Yes dad. We didn't even mean to have sex. Neither one of us even remembers what it was like' said Randy defensively.

'Mr. Taylor, I would really appreciate yours and Mrs. Taylor's help in telling my parents. They might not freak out as much with such reasonable people like you and Mrs. Taylor to tell them' said Lauren with a look of desperation.

'Lauren, don't push it, alright? My dad isn't _that_ reasonable' said Randy with a semi-smile.

'Now Lauren, I think you might have the tattling roles a little mixed up. Mrs. Taylor and I will be there to help out with details and for emotional support, but you and Randy are going to do most of the talking to your parents. After all, it wasn't us who our son had sex with'.

'Thanks for the nice mental image dad' Randy said painfully rubbing his eyes.

'Randy, your mom should be home any minute, so stick around you two'

About 5 minutes later, Jill walked through the door, smiling.

'So, what do you all think about takeout from Hong Fat's for supper guys?' Jill hollered as she took off her coat.

'Uhh, honey. There's something Randy and Lauren need to tell you' Tim called out without ever taking his eyes off of the basketball game being broadcast on TV.

'What's that?' Jill asked.

'Well, Mrs. Taylor, I'll give you the abridged version, since I'm getting tired of saying this over and over again' began Lauren nervously.

TO BE CONTINUED

A/N: I had to leave a little cliffhanger, I didn't want to have 1500 words in one chapter. I'll post the rest of this chapter tonight, after I write it. Please R&R.

Also, thank you very much to Baxxie for helping me with the Taylor's reactions and for helping proofread an excerpt. Baxxie, I couldn't write without you. :).


	4. Chapter 3 part 2: Get Out!

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 3 part 2

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 3 part 2

Last time in Nine Months of Hell:

'Uhh, honey. There's something Randy and Lauren need to tell you' Tim called out without ever taking his eyes off of the basketball game being broadcast on TV.

'What's that?' Jill asked.

'Well, Mrs. Taylor, I'll give you the abridged version, since I'm getting tired of saying this over and over again' began Lauren nervously.

And now:

'That night that I slept over here, I had a nightmare. I woke up screaming. I'd woke Randy up, and so we started talking. We talked for a couple of hours, then we hugged, which led to kissing, which led to sex'.

When she heard the word sex, Jill nearly fainted. Tim went over and stood behind her to steady her.

Lauren continued: 'A few days ago, I noticed my period was later than normal. So I went out and bought a pregnancy test. The test came back positive'.

Jill went ballistic when she heard this. She turned around to release some wrath on Tim, then decided against it, and turned back around to rip into Randy and/or Lauren.

'First off, why in the hell are you two screwing each other? Brad gets busted a year and a half ago for just kissing a girl in his room, then you go and actually have **sex** with a girl! Whose idea was it?' Jill screamed.

'Mom, it wasn't really anybody's idea. We weren't thinking, obviously, and we just both kind of did it'. Randy said, directed more towards his shoes.

'Well, Lauren, you need to go home. Mr. Taylor and Randy and I will be over later to help explain things' Jill instructed.

'And Randy, you can just go down to your swinging bachelor pad' Jill commanded.

Randy paused at the bottom of the stairs.

'What a lying little slut' he heard his mom say.

'Honey, just because she had sex with our son doesn't mean she's a slut. And be careful. What if Randy hears you calling Lauren a slut?' Tim reasoned.

'I don't give a damn what he hears. Well, we obviously have to go over there. I'll just go downstairs and fetch Randy' Jill said.

Quickly but quietly, Randy opened the door to his basement room, and pretended to be playing a game of solitaire on his computer.

'Randy, come on upstairs. We're getting ready to head over to Lauren's parents' house' Jill hollered.

Randy was silent the entire way over to Lauren's house. He stared out the window. It began to rain half way there. He hoped Lauren was home by then. He would hate for her to catch a cold.

As they pulled into the driveway of Lauren's parents' house, the Taylors noticed a hunched figure sitting on the stoop. As they got closer, Randy could tell that it was Lauren. She was bent over, and it looked like she was crying.

Randy jumped out of the car before his dad had even put on the brakes. He ran through the pouring rain up to the stoop where Lauren was seated. He sat down next to her to find out what was wrong.

Jill and Tim came running up as well, only under the safety of umbrellas. They stood patiently while Randy coaxed an explanation of why she was outside out of Lauren.

'My mom f-found the receipt f-for the p-p-pregnancy test. When I got home, they told me that they decided to k-kick m-me out. They didn't w-want to even hear an e-explanation' Lauren sobbed.

'Jill, you stay here with Randy, I'm going to go in and try to talk some sense into Cathy and Rich' Tim said.

Tim was definitely getting pissed. Sure their daughter was pregnant at the age of 15, but that's no reason to kick her out on the streets.

He knocked on the door of the house.

The house seemed nice, at least on the outside. It was about 35 years old, painted white, a nice flowerbed out front and a welcoming porch. At least, the porch would be welcoming under any other circumstance.

'Hi, Cathy, I'm Tim Taylor, Randy's dad. Could I come in for a minute?' Tim asked.

'We don't want to talk to you about anything. If your son wants our daughter so damn bad, then he can have her. She can be your problem now' Cathy said sharply and with a sourpuss scowl on her face.

'Cathy honey, who is it?' Rich called from the den.

'It's that little bastard's father' she called back, too sweetly for Tim to feel comfortable.

'Ma'am, I think you're making a mistake by kicking your daughter out. I mean, she's 15. I hate to sound like a broken record, but could I come in? It's a little chilly out here.' Tim said.

'No, you may not come in, and we would appreciate if you didn't come back either' said Cathy.

It annoyed Tim the way she enunciated every syllable of every word. When she talked, she put emphasis on every letter of every word. That and she pronounced the word like a 5 year old sounding out a word.

'Fine then, I won't come in, but I will be back. You can bet your Botoxed ass on that' Tim said, loudly enough for Rich to hear from the den.

He moved back down to the stoop.

'Lauren, sweetheart, I guess you're coming home with us. We'll give them some time to think this over and to cool down, then we'll try to sort this out in a few days' Tim said gently.

This statement just caused Lauren to start sobbing even more.

Jill and Randy walked on either side of Lauren, with Randy holding the umbrella over her.

On the ride home, Jill sat with Randy and Lauren in the back seat. Once again, everyone was silent during the car ride, except for the occasional sob from the middle of the backseat.

A/N: Sorry I had to break this chapter up, but otherwise I would have had one chapter with around 2300 words, and I think that's a little long. Can't wait to see what happens next, can you? And BTW, it may seem like this story won't be long, but trust me; it still has several chapters to go. As always, please R&R.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	5. Chapter 4: Are You Positive?

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 4

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 4

A/N: This is from Lauren's POV, and takes place right after she got home last chapter.

I was still thinking about how Randy and I could possibly break my pregnancy to my parents as I was walking onto my front porch.

Hmm. That's odd. All three of the cars are in the garage, the lights are on, and I can see both of my parents sitting in the den watching something on TV, but the door's locked.

So I grab my key, and unlock the door.

I walk in and nearly trip over something. Looking down, I see it's my suitcase, and it's bulging. Right next to it is a duffel bag of mine, also bulging.

At this point I'm thinking 'What the hell's going on here?'

So I holler into the den 'Why are my suitcase and duffel bag in the middle of the foyer?'

'Lauren, we're kicking you out' says my mom sharply.

'Why? What happened?' I asked confused.

'I was putting laundry away in your room when I noticed a receipt in the trash. Now just be straightforward with me Lauren, are you pregnant?' mom questioned.

I took a deep breath, and then swallowed hard.

'Yes' I said, sharper than I've ever said anything before.

'By who?' asked my father, practically yelling.

I hesitate. I'd feel horrible if Randy got in trouble because of me ratting him out.

'Who is the little bastard that you fucked with?' screams dad.

'He's not a bastard, dad!' I scream back.

Next my dad just stares at me, trying to will the name out of me.

My mom is completely shocked. She thought I would've said the name by now.

'Who the fuck is it then? Is it that Taylor son of a bitch?' my dad inquires. He isn't yelling now, but he is cussing a lot, which he does when he gets mad.

'Yes, it's Randy. It just kind of happened when I went over there a couple of months ago' I shout, completely enraged now.

Then I realize what I did. I can't believe I just ratted out my own boyfriend.

'Lauren, just take you're duffel bag and suitcase, and go. I don't care where, just leave now, and don't come back' says my mom, just as prim and proper as ever.

So I grab my bags and head out to the stoop. I know the Taylors said they would be here eventually, so I just sit down and wait for them In the process, I begin crying. I try to fight the tears back, but it's like a dam bursting.

As I sit out there waiting for my knight in lava lamp colored cotton to come riding up, I start thinking.

I'm nothing like my parents. I don't look like them, or my sisters. I don't have the same beliefs, or convictions, or interests as them. I don't talk like them. Maybe I'm adopted.

Pfft. I can only wish. No, I guess I'm just the black sheep of the Peldon's.

You know, they don't have baby pictures of me, but they do of my sisters. I've never seen my birth certificate either.

I'm sure there's a good reason though. I mean, after all, I've never even asked to see it before. Why would I?

But, I suppose these are problems for another day.

Oh good. I see the Taylor's Nomad come pulling up.

As I think about Randy's reaction to seeing me out here with my suitcase, I start bawling even more.

Even though it's pouring rain, Randy comes running over to me, getting soaked in the process. Mr. and Mrs. Taylor grab and umbrella, and come running over to me as well.

'Why are you sitting out here?' Randy asks patiently and gently. He's so cute when he's patient and gentle. It makes me just want to kiss him, but under these circumstances, I decide not to.

'My mom f-found the receipt f-for the p-p-pregnancy test. When I got home, they told me that they decided to k-kick m-me out. They didn't w-want to even hear an e-explanation' I manage to say through sobs.

Mrs. Taylor and Randy sit down on either side of me, while Mr. Taylor says he's going to try to talk to my parents about this.

The only part of their conversation I here sounds very odd, but is true: '…You can bet your botoxed ass on that'.

Then Mr. Taylor walks back, and squats down to the level of everyone who's sitting.

'Lauren, sweetheart, I guess you're coming home with us. We'll give them some time to think this over and to cool down, then we'll try to sort this out in a few days' says Mr. Taylor.

On the ride back to the Taylor's everyone except for me is quiet. Not that I'm talking, but the occasional sob will sneak out, whether I try to stifle it or not.

It's decided that Mark and Brad will bunk together in Mark's room, and I'll get Brad's room. Not that I expected to be rooming with Randy. I don't even expect to get to spend a moment alone with Randy.

A/N: I know this chapter was a little redundant, but I wasn't quite sure how to keep the story going. I wonder what will come of these paragraphs:

_I'm nothing like my parents. I don't look like them, or my sisters. I don't have the same beliefs, or convictions, or interests as them. I don't talk like them. Maybe I'm adopted._

_Pfft. I can only wish. No, I guess I'm just the black sheep of the Peldon's._

_You know, they don't have baby pictures of me, but they do of my sisters. I've never seen my birth certificate either._

_I'm sure there's a good reason though. I mean, after all, I've never even asked to see it before. Why would I?_

_But, I suppose these are problems for another day._

It'll definitely be something big. As always, please R&R. Thanks.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor.


	6. Chapter 5: Pickles and Mashed Potatoes

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 5

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 5

Lauren went to see an OB/GYN today. It was a little embarrassing, considering my mom insisted she go to Dr. Fields, her OB/GYN. Then Dr. Fields said he wanted to do an ultrasound. That was odd, to have the man who delivered me looking at my unborn child.

Lucky me, I got to sit in between two _very_ pregnant women who talked about the birthing process, breast feeding, sore nipples, and discharge in places that I didn't even want to know existed.

Then one of the women went to get up, and in the process nearly punctured my spleen.

I was thinking, God, is this what I have to look forward to?

Lauren is now three months pregnant, and you can kind of start to tell, considering Lauren doesn't generally have much of a stomach.

She's starting to pick up weird food habits though. The other day, she ate two helpings (two whole helpings, mind you) of my mom's pasta salad. Usually after one bite, I've fainted.

Right now I'm sitting next to Lauren, who is sitting next to my mom, and we're watching ER.

As ER ends, I get up and say I'm going to bed, but then Lauren stops me.

'I want to talk to you and your mom about something Randy' Lauren says.

'Okay, what's it about' I say.

It doesn't sound like I'm genuinely interested, but I am.

'I've been doing a lot of thinking, and a lot of putting two and two together over the past few days. The other day, before I found out I was pregnant, I heard my parents talking. The only thing I heard was my mom saying "we can't keep deceiving her. She needs to know the truth eventually". Then the other night, I realized, really for the first time ever realized, that I'm kind of the black sheep of my family. I know this theory may seem a little farfetched, but I'd like to find out if I was adopted. There, I said it, so you all can go ahead and think of me as crazy, but I'm going to do this anyways, with or without your all's help' Lauren says without pause.

'Lauren, we don't think you're crazy. And if you want to try to find out about this, we'll help you' I say, giving my mom a look that says "agree with me, or I'll do it solo, and make you look like an insensitive jerk".

'You really will?' Lauren asks.

'Of course sweetheart' mom says.

'Now I just have one more question, and it's for Randy' I can hear her say mischievously.

'And what might that be?' I ask with a smile, hoping for the best, fearing for the worst.

'When the heck will you feel my belly? Your child will think you don't love it or me' she says.

'I'll feel your stomach now' I say, walking back towards the couch.

At this rate, I'll never get to bed.

I feel her stomach, not really knowing what to feel for, or even where to feel.

'Okay, I lied. I have one last question, but it's for you Mrs. Taylor' Lauren says.

'What's that?' my mom asks, hoping for it to be some kind of parenting advice question, or advice on being pregnant, or any kind of question involving her giving Lauren advice.

'Do you all have any dill pickles? I have this craving for dill pickles and mashed potatoes smothered in barbecue sauce' she says.

'Oh good God' I say on my way down to my room.

'Hey, this from the guy who puts half of the freaking refrigerator in his salads?' she asks.

'Yeah, but those things are called chef salads. See, the day is just around the corner when I won't be able to do that, because all we'll have left after you get finished is a half empty jar of mayonnaise and a bottle of apple juice' I say, knowing this will get some kind of object thrown at me.

I was right. Lauren tosses a pillow at me, as I hide behind the door to the basement.

'Mom, goodnight. Lauren, good night, and good snacking' I say, again dodging the aerial pillow attack.

A/N: Just a little bit of Randy/Lauren fluff at the end I thought everyone would enjoy. (I know I enjoyed writing it).

I wonder what will come of Lauren's search for her parents. The answer may be closer than what anyone thinks.

But the only way to really find out is to read.

Please R&R, I really do appreciate getting reviews.

Thanks for reading.

- Yours truly, Randy Taylor

P.S. I don't need, or want flames from the female sex about any pregnant jokes, or odd food combinations in this chapter, or in this story. If anyone of the female gender wants me to, I will make a joke about penises next chapter. In fact, I might do it even if no one wants me to.

-Once again, yours truly, Randy Taylor.


	7. Chapter 6: I Spy, But Not for the FBI

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 6

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 6

Lauren's POV

Today we (Mrs. Taylor, Randy, and me) are going to try to dig up some information on my past.

It's around a quarter until 8:00, and right now I'm fixing breakfast for everyone.

Randy was right though, even the smell of breakfast doesn't motivate this family to get out of bed.

Well, I guess this is everyone's day to sleep in. (It's the first day of summer break for everyone).

Oh well, I'm not necessarily cooking just for people to eat, I can think my best when I'm preparing some kind of food.

I just can't wait to see the look on Randy's face when he realizes his mom didn't fix breakfast this morning.

Of course, the look might be pure terror with some of the food combinations I've come up with lately.

20 minutes later

'Lauren, you didn't have to fix breakfast for us' says Mrs. Taylor.

'I know, but I wanted to. It's just my way of saying thanks for your help' I say, trying not to sound too much like Brad's motor mouth ex-girlfriend Angela.

'About that Lauren. I've never done anything like this before, so I was thinking maybe we could hire some kind of private detective or something of that sort and see what he can find out' Mrs. Taylor says between mouthfuls of scrambled eggs covered with hot sauce.

'I never thought of that. Yeah, we certainly could' I say agreeably.

'But, we don't know anybody that's a private detective' Randy says, being the voice of reason.

'Wrong. I sit to next to a woman at school who is good friends with a woman whose husband is a private eye. We can get him to do it' Mrs. Taylor says.

'How do we contact him? I'm sorry if I sound anxious, but I really want to know the truth about this' I say.

'I'll ask for the number of the friend of the woman who sit's next to me today in class, then I'll call her and get the number for the woman whose married to the PI so I can call _her_ so I can figure out how to call her husband' says Mrs. Taylor as if the whole matter was as simple as pie.

'Now Lauren' starts Randy. 'You know that the chances of this guy actually finding something out about your past are slim to none, right? I mean, there is rarely ever a lot of success when it comes to this type of thing' says Randy, being a big help confidence-wise.

'I'm aware of that, but I can still hope, right? I mean, if you're going to dream, dream big' I say, borderline angry.

'Sure, whatever you say' Randy says, rolling his eyes.

Later That Day from Randy's POV

We're sitting in the office of a building on the sleazy side of town, where the slums and whores live and work.

The room has a smoky appearance, even though there is no known source of the smoke, and is dark.

We're waiting on the PI, Jonathan T. Weiss.

In about another 10 minutes, in walks a man that looks quite a bit like me.

He looks like he's about 5'6, around 35 years old, and maybe of Portuguese or German descent, and his hair is kind of spiky.

He's wearing a plain white T-shirt, and has an unbuttoned green leopard print button up shirt on over that.

'So, Mrs. Taylor' begins Jonathan. 'You're here to see me about an adoption' he says staring down at some papers.

'That's correct' mom replies.

'Now, which one of you is the one who thinks they're adopted?' Jonathan asks, getting straight down to business.

'That would be me' says Lauren with a trace of nervousness in her voice.

'So what makes you think you are adopted?' inquires Jonathan.

'Well, my family has baby pictures of my older sister, and of my younger sister, but none of me. I don't look anything like my sisters, or my parents. We also seem to have different interests. I know it seems farfetched, and it doesn't seem like there's much evidence to suggest adoption, but I'm just curious' says Lauren rather defensively.

'Miss, I've worked successful cases based on less evidence than that' Jonathan explains.

'So you think there's actually a chance of finding something?' I ask skeptically.

'Yes, young man, I think there's actually a chance of finding something' Jonathan replies in a mocking tone.

'Who are you anyways?' he questions me.

'I'm her boyfriend' I answer, daring him to question me any further.

'Anyways, I'll start on the case this afternoon. I know the Detroit area pretty well, but it'll take at least a month, most likely two though' Jonathan states.

'My fee for these types of cases is 175 a month' he adds.

'Okay, so do we pay you now, or each month, or at the end, or what?' mom asks.

'You'll pay me all at the end, and you owe 50 now for the visit' Jonathan says.

'Who do I make the check out to?' asks my mom, pen in hand, ready to jot down whatever necessary information in the blink of an eye.

'I'm sorry, I don't accept checks, only cash' Jonathan says apologetically.

'Alright then, let me just check my billfold here and get some cash' she says.

'Damn. Randy, do you have 10 dollars I can borrow?' she asks.

'Yeah, here' I say, handing her a ten dollar bill.

'Thank you Mr. Weiss, we really do appreciate the help' mom says on the way out.

'So what do we do now?' asks Lauren as soon as we get out to the parking lot.

'We wait for him to call us and hope he has some information' says mom.

'Yeah, if he has any information' I inaudibly mumble.

A/N: Sorry if I got any information about PIs wrong in this chapter, or if the fees or too big or too small, I have next to no knowledge of the private investigator world though.

I hope everyone caught the Jonathan Taylor Thomas reference in there.

I wonder if the PI will find anything out about Lauren's past. You'll just have to keep reading and reviewing to find out.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	8. Chapter 7: One Call Can Change it All

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 7

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 7

Lauren's POV

I'm up for the second day in a row fixing breakfast. I decided on silver dollar pancakes today, since they're Randy's favorite.

I know he's still upset from yesterday because he feels that the private eye is just getting my hopes up, and is taking money from his parents, but he needs to learn to not be such a skeptic of _everything_. I mean, I can see him being skeptical about the health care system, and even understand him being skeptical about organized religion. (Even though I'm a devout Catholic). At least he hasn't gone agnostic or atheist on us. Yet.

Mr. Taylor did say something about trying to talk to my "parents" today. Frankly, if they never wanted me back, I'd be fine. As far as I'm concerned they can just all go to hell. (Okay, maybe I'm not a _devout_ Catholic).

Oh, here comes Randy now.

'Randy, I made breakfast again' I say smiling.

'Let me guess, oatmeal with shredded cheese and spaghetti sauce mixed in?' he jokes without ever cracking a smile.

'No, that'll be tomorrow if you keep the weird food jokes going' I say.

'I'm surprised you haven't been making any jokes about penises or chest hair or something like that since I've been making fun of this entire pregnancy' Randy says, tempting me.

Later that day from Lauren's POV

We're at my parent's house now. Mr. Taylor has gone to ring the doorbell, and everyone else is sitting here in the Nomad.

I see Mr. Taylor signaling for everyone (well, me, Mrs. Taylor, and Randy) to come on up to the steps.

Tim's POV

I'm ringing Cathy and Rich's doorbell now. They'd better answer me, or I'll find some way to destroy this damn doorbell.

Here somebody comes now.

Thank God, it looks like Rich. (He seems to be more levelheaded than Cathy).

'What can I do for you?' Rich asks a little bitter, but nowhere near the bitterness that his lemon-sucking wife can produce.

'Rich, I was hoping that now that everybody has had a little time to cool down, we could talk about Lauren's living arrangements' I say.

'Sure, would you like to come in?' Rich asks cordially.

This means that Cathy must be out racking up a fortune on their credit cards.

'Yeah, can my wife, and Lauren and Randy come in as well, since their involved in this?' I ask.

'It's fine by me. Can I get you something to drink?' he asks trying to be a good host.

At this, I signal everyone in the car to come in.

'No, I'm fine. Had an iced coffee before I came over' I reply.

Lauren's POV

It feels odd to be invited into my home of the past 16 years.

I enter into the foyer, gripping Mrs. Taylor's hand tightly.

'Everyone can just come have a seat in the den' says my dad.

We do as he says.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Mr. Taylor speaks.

'Rich, my wife and I are going to be honest. We would overreact if we had a daughter and something simil-' begins Mr. Taylor, but is interrupted by Mrs. Taylor.

'Rich, it's a damn stupid thing to kick your daughter out because she got pregnant. There are worse things out there that could have happened to Lauren other than this. She could be on drugs, or committing crimes' Mrs. Taylor yells.

'Now wait just a minute here. You're telling me you wouldn't have done anything like this even if she was on drugs or robbing people or committing crimes or whatever you said?' my dad asks.

'No. Tim and I would never do that. I know from personal experience how horrible it is to have your parents kick you out. I got stoned at a Led Zeppelin concert when I was in high school. Because of that, my parents made me move out. If I hadn't had Tim to turn to, I would probably be some drug dealer right now. I'm lucky though, I was able to reconcile my differences with my parents, and I now have a healthy relationship with my mom' Mrs. Taylor preaches.

My dad just sits and ponders this for a minute.

'What the hell is going on here?' asks my mom as she comes in, weighted down by at least a dozen shopping bags.

'Cathy, the Taylors wanted to talk to us. So just calm down, there's no reason to get irate honey' my dad says, trying to keep my mom from having a temper tantrum.

'There is nothing we wish to talk to you about' says my mom.

'Really? It seems Rich had quite a bit to say, at least until you came home' says Mrs. Taylor a bit provocatively.

'Is that a fact Rich? I thought we agreed that we wouldn't talk to these people anymore' my mom says.

At this I burst into tears, and run out to the car.

I get outside and realize that the car's locked.

I just sit down on the ground beside the car and continue my crying.

Soon after that, Randy comes outside with the car keys and unlocks the car and helps me up and inside.

**Back inside from Jill's POV:**

'We are not going to let her move back in here. Rich and I have decided that already!' says Cathy.

'Well, come on Tim, we obviously aren't getting anywhere with them, so let's just leave.

'No, please stay. Cathy and I haven't finished discussing this quite yet' Rich says, directing the statement more towards Cathy.

'Oh yes we have' Cathy shouts.

'Listen goddamn it, my name is on the papers to this house too, therefore it is also my decision on who lives here. If you don't like that, then I guess we can do something about it!' Rich shouts, screaming at the top of his lungs now.

'Fine then, you can move out too, son of a bitch!' Cathy shouts, going upstairs.

'Tim, come on, let's get out of here, they don't need an audience' I say.

'But Jill, it's so entertaining to watch someone else fighting for a change' Tim says jokingly.

'I'm serious; we need to get the hell out of here now. I really don't think we're wanted any longer'.

'You're right. Lauren and Randy are probably ready to go home anyway' he says.

That night from Mark's POV

I still can't believe that Randy got a girl pregnant. Neither can Brad.

Brad's still pissed, and rightfully so. He got chewed out for just kissing with a girl in his room a couple of years ago. And here Randy is, just getting a slap on the wrist for actually screwing a girl. Plus, Angela never would have got to move in, even if her parents had kicked her out.

Not that I'm complaining that Lauren lives here. Her cooking is great, and she keeps Randy on his best behavior. (Where the hell was she seven years ago when Randy was a real pain in the ass)?

Here comes Randy now. With…no pants on.

On this disturbing note, I'm heading to bed.

Brad's POV

This is amazing. I haven't shaved in a week and I already have a beard that's half an inch long. I feel sorry for Randy sometimes. He doesn't have any facial hair yet.

Randy. Wow. I really thought I knew him better than this. It's still hard to believe that he could get a girl pregnant.

I'm just glad I'm not him, having to deal with this. I have to admit, he's always been the one of us kids with the most balls. He'll sit there and try mom and dad's patience when they're ready to explode, he's always doing stuff that only gets him criticism.

But I think that kid runs on criticism. If dad says he hates Hootie and the Blowfish, then Randy will play Cracked Rear View (their first album) as loud as possible.

Randy just loves to be the odd man out. He wears tacky clothes that get him criticism, his convictions and beliefs are always getting him criticized. He's definitely a little strange, but I think that he tries to be.

Randy's POV

It's been about two weeks since we talked to Jonathan T. Weiss, the PI.

I haven't said anything else to Lauren about it being a stupid idea, seeing as how she's had enough other issues going on in her life lately.

I'm sitting home alone right now, reading. Mom and Lauren are out shopping. Dad's at Tool Time (taping their season finale), and Brad and Mark are shopping as well.

The phone rings and jolts me out of my book, and back to reality.

'Hello' I answer.

'Hi, is Jill Taylor available?' asks the caller, whom I believe is Jonathan T. Weiss.

'No she isn't. Can I help you?' I ask.

'Yes, have Mrs. Taylor give me a call back at 555-9992. Tell her that it's Jonathan T. Weiss' number' the PI says.

I start to object and let him know that he could tell me what ever it is he's found out, but he hangs up.

Just then mom walks in with Lauren.

'Hey mom, that private eye, Jonathan Weiss just called. He says you need to give him a call back' I say.

'Did he say what about?' mom asks.

'No, he wouldn't tell me anything. I don't think he likes me' I state.

'Okay, I'll call him back now. What's the number?' she asks.

'It's 555-9992' I say.

I motion for Lauren to come sit next to me.

A/N: Has the private detective found out anything useful or not? Just stay tuned, and you'll find out.

As always, please R&R.

P.S. Somebody please submit a good penis joke to me. I can't think of any, and I know I promised one a couple of chapters ago, but still haven't thought of one yet. (Preferably a penis joke knocking the male gender too).

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	9. Chapter 8: Here's What I Know

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 8

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 8

Jill's POV

'Hello, Jonathan? This is Jill Taylor. My son said that you just called here' I say.

'Yes. I have found some information. I know it seems quick, but I try to work quickly. If you could come down to my office tonight, then I can share this information with you' Jonathan says in his somewhat high pitched, nasally voice.

'Sure. We'll be there in about forty five minutes. Will you still be there then?' I ask.

'Yes, I'll be here until nine tonight' he replies.

'Alright, see you then' I say, motioning for Randy to come help me and Lauren carry the bags upstairs.

'What's going on mom?' Randy inquires.

'Yeah Mrs. Taylor, did the private eye find out something?' Lauren adds.

'Yeah, he did, but he wouldn't say what on the phone. We have to go down there tonight. Sorry, but I guess we'll have to eat takeout food' I say.

'Aw, geez mom, takeout again? You know how much I love to eat the food you cook' Randy says sarcastically.

'Hey, you keep up that attitude, then you'll never eat food from a restaurant again while you're under this roof' I joke.

Randy's POV

Right now we're walking towards the sleazy looking building that serves as Jonathan T. Weiss' office.

Just like mom promised, it took us 45 minutes to get here.

I'm not quite sure what this meeting will bring. It sounds like Jonathan got some pretty good dirt on Lauren's life.

I just hope he isn't going to disappoint her and say that Cathy and Rich are her real parents. She would be devastated to hear that.

Once again when we enter Jonathan Weiss' office, it's smoky and dimly lit. What does this guy do, keep a room in the back where people sit and smoke cigarettes? I mean, seriously.

'Hello there. I see you're very punctual Mrs. Taylor. I like that in clients' says Jonathan.

'Well, I try my best' says mom modestly.

'Follow me back to my office, and I'll tell you what I've found out about young Lauren' Jonathan says, not showing the least bit of anxiousness.

'Please, sit' Jonathan simply invites, motioning towards some chairs.

We all do as asked.

'The search for information was surprisingly fast. At this stage, I would usually invite one of my two underling detectives in here to present the information, but I won't since I personally handled this case' explains Jonathan.

'I'm sorry to rush you sir, but could you present that information now? I'm very anxious to find out about my past' Lauren says.

'Yes. Well, I am one hundred percent positive from the information that I've found that you are in fact...' Jonathan begins.

TO BE CONTINUED NEXT CHAPTER

A/N: I know this chapter is relatively short, but I don't want to reveal anything about Lauren yet. I want everyone to be on the edge of their seats.

So, is Lauren adopted, or are Cathy and Rich her parents? Keep reading and reviewing to find out.

Thanks for reading, I really hope you enjoyed.

P.S. I still have yet to get any penis jokes. (And not for lack of trying, either). Can't anyone out there think of any?

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	10. Chapter 9: Who Am I?

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 9

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 9

'Yes. Well, I am one hundred percent positive from the information that I've found that you are in fact, adopted' Jonathan says.

'Oh my God' says Lauren in shock.

'Oh my God' Lauren says again.

'Who? Who are my real parents?' asks Lauren, on the verge of a breakdown.

'A woman who is now deceased named Katheryn Wilson is your birth mother. A man named Wilson Wilson is your father' Jonathan says.

When I hear that, I go into utter shock. I look over at mom. She's freaking out too.

'Randy, that…that's your neighbor! Oh my God, Randy! _My_ father is _your _neighbor! Randy, Randy! This is amazing. Does he know? Does he have any idea who I am?' Lauren says to me in a rush.

'Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down Lauren. I'm sure he doesn't know, otherwise he would've mentioned it by now. I mean, we've lived there for 16 years now' I say.

'Well thank you sir, come on Randy, Mrs. Taylor. I want to go home and tell Wilson, I mean dad, about this' says Lauren.

'Okay, thank you for everything Jonathan. Uh, here's your money' mom says, digging in her purse for her billfold.

Mom tosses me the keys, and I run out to the car with Lauren.

I unlock the doors, and hop in the left side of the backseat, next to Lauren.

I toss the car keys up onto the front seat as I see mom coming out.

She gets in the car, and starts it up.

Lauren starts to say something, but is cut off by the sudden blast of Bob Seger music. Only then do I remember that we had been listening to my copy of "It's a Mystery".

Mom turns the volume down, and Lauren opens her mouth to say something, closes it, then opens it again, and finally says something.

'I can't wait to see dad's face when he finds out he'll be a grandfather. I really hope he isn't angry' Lauren says.

'Lauren, sweetie, I doubt he'll be angry. In fact, I bet he'll be thrilled to find out' mom says.

'This is amazing Lauren, I mean, all these years, I thought I was dating a Peldon, when I was in fact dating a Wilson' I say, smiling.

'But the odd thing is, I guess we _did_ wind up telling one of your parents first' I add.

The rest of the way home, Lauren is silent, while we all listen to Bob Seger sing West of the Moon, then Hands in the Air. After that, the CD started over at Rite of Passage. No changed CDs, or even took the CD out.

As I was sitting there, I wondered what could possibly be going through Lauren's mind right now.

* * *

Lauren's POV

At first, my excitement about finding out who my parents are is great. Then I realize something.

If Wilson is my dad, then that means that my mom is…dead. But how? How did she die? Why didn't I ever find out? I would've been at the funeral. Why didn't anyone ever tell me about this before now? Why did I have to find out like this? On my own? Why didn't Cathy and Rich ever tell me before now?

My brain is flooded with these thoughts.

As soon as Mrs. Taylor pulls in the garage, I hop out and run over to Wilson's…my dad's house. That'll take some getting use to.

I bang on the door, hoping he's home.

He comes to his door to see what all of the clatter is about.

'Well heidi-ho there Taylor teen friend. What seems to be the problem?' dad asks.

'I found out some news about who my parents are' I say excitedly.

'Really? Well that's great. Who are they?' he asks. Poor fella, he has no clue.

'Well, unfortunately my mom is dead' I say, trying to prolong this game of cat and mouse.

'Oh no, I'm so sorry to hear that' he says sympathetically.

'But, uh, I'm not really sure how to say this. I mean, it's not like something like this happens everyday. But uh, Wilson, you're my father' I say.

He just stares at me for a minute.

'Oh my God. I can't believe I've finally found my long lost daughter at last' he says.

'I know this seems kind of soon, but, how did my mom die?' I inquire.

'Lauren. I'm so sorry. Lauren, Katheryn Wilson, your mother, died during childbirth of our only child. After that, the hospital staff insisted that it would be better for you if I put you up for adoption. I'm so sorry. I never should have let myself get talked into doing that. I am so sorry Lauren' he says through tears.

'At least we finally know each other' I say, also through tears.

We both start hugging each other. We stand in that position for what seems like forever, but is more like 5 minutes.

We just stand there and hug and cry.

For the first time in years, I feel true happiness. I'd forgotten what true happiness felt like.

* * *

Randy's POV

Even though mom forbid me to do so, I eavesdrop on Lauren's conversation with Wilson. Her dad. Wow, that sounds funny.

When he gets to the part about Katheryn dying in childbirth, my mouth drops to the floor. He never said how his wife died before. Not that I blame him, I mean, I wouldn't want to have to think about it anymore than what I had to either.

By the end of their stories, and I'll admit this to no one but myself, that I was crying a little bit. I manage to sneak back around the fence, and into my house before mom, or dad, or Lauren, or anyone notices that I've been gone.

I can tell already that having my next door neighbor as my girlfriend's father will be very, very interesting.

A/N: I know it's kind of a short chapter, but a lot happened.

I have to admit, writing the last couple of paragraphs, I shed a couple of tears.

Now that everyone has that warm and bubbly feeling inside, it's time for me to play evil author and make things go bad.

Also, this isn't going to be Jonathan's last appearance in this fic. And in case anyone hasn't guessed yet, Jonathan T. Weiss the PI is based on Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Please read and review, and as always, thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, a very happy Randy Taylor


	11. Chapter 10: Non Commital Commitments

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 10

Randy's POV

I am exhausted beyond belief. Everyone has been helping Lauren move her belongings over to Wilson's house today. Let me tell you, for only being 16, that girl has a lot of stuff.

No, but it was a fun day. The only bad part is I got pecked on the cheek by Polly, Wilson's parrot. (I tell you though, that parrot gives me absolutely no pleasure!) Anyways, now I have a nice looking scar from that.

I also heard that Cathy and Rich are getting divorced. That's horrible, I think. They deserve each other. Lauren isn't real happy about this, but, I reminded her, they aren't her real parents. I can understand why she's upset though, they were her parents for 15 years.

Right now I am sitting on our couch, and waiting for everyone else to finish showering, freshening up, et cetera. (I already have done all that). After that, we (mom, dad, Wilson, Lauren, Brad, Mark, and me) are going out to eat to celebrate Lauren finding out who her parents are. I'm starving, so thank God we have three bathrooms between our house and Wilson's house. I just hope we don't go to Sorrentino's. I hate that waiter, Antonio. He's such a rude butthole.

'So Randy, what do you think about Sorrentino's for dinner? I'm kind of in an Italian mood' says mom while brushing her hair.

'Ugh. Mom, you know I hate that waiter, Antonio' I say, knowing damn good and well that we'll wind up going to Sorrentino's anyway.

'You know, we could try this new Italian place I read about in the paper. It's called "Little Italian Chef". Then we wouldn't have to put up with Antonio' suggests mom.

'Works for me. Let me run over and ask Lauren and Wilson' I reply.

'Okay' mom says, going back upstairs to do God knows what to her body.

I walk outside and around the fence to the back door of Wilson's house. While standing at the door debating on whether I should knock or ring the doorbell, Lauren comes walking outside, and nearly runs into me.

'Whoa. I was just about to come in and ask you and Wilson if Italian was okay for dinner tonight' I say.

'It works for me. Let me check with dad though' she says, and starts to walk off.

'Hey, could I talk to you about something?' I ask.

'Sure' replies Lauren, stopping mid-step, then turning around.

'I know this seems kind of early, and maybe even a little out of place to do now, but I this just feels like the right time' I say, beating around the bush.

'Yeah, I think so too. What's this the right time for?' asks Lauren, giving me one of her famous skeptical looks.

'Uh, well, since you are pregnant with my child, I think we need to make some sort of commitment. I went down to a jeweler the other day. I got an engagement ring for us. Now, I'm not trying to rush marriage or anything, but I just think that we should show our parents that we aren't just a couple of stupid kids' I say, regretting it as soon as I see the look in her eyes.

'Randy, I don't know if I'm ready to get engaged yet. I'm really not. It's nothing personal against you, I'm just not ready yet' Lauren says.

'Okay, forget about it, bad idea' I say, wanting to crawl into a hole.

'But that doesn't mean that we can't still plan to get married. Or announce tonight our plans. Maybe we can consider it more a year from now. I mean, we still have two years of school left. I think it's a little early yet. But you could keep the rings until then, that way you don't have to take them back and pay for them again. By the way, how much did you pay for those rings?' says, then asks Lauren.

'Well, I'd honestly rather not say. It might seem like a little much, and I don't want anything stupid like money to put pressure on our relationship' I say, avoiding the truth.

The truth is, the rings were _extremely_ expensive for a high school student with no job.

'Okay. Well, that's all I needed to know. I'll see you when we get to the restaurant then' I say, still wanting to crawl into a black hole.

I walk back around the fence. I'll admit, my pride is hurt a little. It's not that I feel like Lauren is being a bitch for not accepting, no, she has a perfectly good reason for not accepting. I just feel embarrassed for asking. But at least she has said she will some day!

I walk back inside, and everyone is sitting in the living room waiting for me.

'What's going on?' I ask as I walk in.

'We're waiting on you, vomit shirt' Brad says, making fun of my favorite shirt.

'What he means is, we're just waiting for you to get back over here' adds mom, giving Brad a look that says "don't make fun of your brother".

'So come on. Let's go. I'm starved. Besides, there's some news I want to share with everyone' I say, trying to motivate everyone.

'Okay, so let's go then' says dad.

'What's this news you want to share, Randy?' asks mom.

'Who cares, he wants to go, I'm hungry, he's hungry, everybody's hungry, let's go' dad says, moving towards the garage.

All during the ride to Little Italian Chef, I sit in the middle of the backseat, snug between my brothers, and smug knowing that I had a secret only one other person knows about.

Once there, everyone was seated by a hostess, then began looking at the menu.

All of a sudden, an all too familiar voice says 'Good evening'. It sounds like Dracula, but could only be Antonio.

'What the hell are you doing here?' I ask, almost angry that he's waiting on us.

'I was released from my previous job. Would you all care for anything to drink, or would you like a couple more hours?' Antonio asks.

'Uh' says everyone looking at the drink section of their menus.

'I'll have a glass of red wine' says mom.

'A glass of white wine for me' orders dad.

'A glass of your finest champagne' decides Wilson.

'I'll have a Cherry Pepsi' says Brad.

'I'll have a regular Pepsi' Mark orders.

'I'll have a Diet Pepsi' I decide.

'A glass of root beer, please' Lauren says, the only one who is remotely polite to Antonio. Poor girl, she'll learn in time.

'So anyways, what's this news you have to tell?' asks mom and Wilson at the same time looking at me and Lauren, respectively.

Lauren and I look at each other, both thinking "why did you tell him/her?"

'Well, I'll go ahead and tell, unless Lauren wants to' I volunteer.

'No, you can go ahead. I like listening to you talk. If I recall, that's how I came to be pregnant' she says, hitting a sore spot with that last comment. That must send shivers up and down mom and dad's spines. I know it does mine.

'Anyways. Lauren and I were talking outside Wilson's house earlier. That's what took me so long' I say, directing that last comment towards Brad. But I continue 'We decided that since she is pregnant, we needed to make some kind of commitment to each other. Now, we aren't going to officially do anything until about a year from now, but as of right now, we plan on getting engaged, then married after we graduate from high school.'

I wish for the best reaction from everyone, but fear for the worst.

After a long moment of awkward silence, Wilson speaks 'Well congratulations'.

Mom and dad just look at each other, having a conversation purely based on eye motion.

'That's great sweetheart' says mom with a smile and voice that looks and sounds fake.

Dad just sits there in silence, not really sure of what to say.

'Tim, say something' mom mumbles, though I can hear her.

'Well, you two have my support' he says with a look that says to mom "we'll discuss this later".

'I can't believe this! When I wanted to get married, you two had a fit!' says Brad, starting to cause a bit of a scene.

'Yes, but that's because your girlfriend is four years older than you. Mine is a couple of months younger' I say in a wiseass tone.

'And pregnant' adds Mark.

'Shut up!' Brad and I say in unison.

'Why is it _I_ get yelled at when you two fight?' Mark then asks.

'Because you're a frickin' dork' Brad and I again say in unison.

'Will you boys just stop this petty arguing?' mom asks, trying to play peacemaker.

'It's just unfair. Randy gets less punishment and more support than I do for when I screw up or have something going on in my personal life. I mean, I got caught kissing a girl in my room, and got in trouble for that. He gets a girl pregnant, and she gets to move in. I start dating someone four years older than me and want to marry her, and I get yelled at and have no support, but he gets your total support?' spouts off Brad.

'Well, I am the middle son, I am the favorite' I smile. I only say this to piss him off, knowing that we'll be best of friends by the time the night's over.

'You're also pissing me off, and on purpose' smiles Brad.

'Alright, alright gentlemen. Let's just calm it down. We are in a restaurant' dad says.

'Okay. I guess we better figure out what we want to eat so Count Dracula's reincarnation doesn't have any rude comments for us' I say.

When Antonio does arrive, we all know what we want to eat.

'I'll have the spaghetti with meat sauce' orders dad.

'And the cheese ravioli for me' mom says.

'The meat ravioli in marinara sauce for me' says Wilson.

'Lasagna for me' Lauren decides.

'Manicotti in marinara sauce' Brad orders.

'Fettuccini alfredo for me' I say.

'The spaghetti and meatballs' decides Mark.

'Very well' says Antonio, walking off arrogantly.

'Wow, that guy is a real jerk Randy' Lauren comments in a whisper.

We all wait in silence until the food arrives. Then we all eat in silence, save the occasional passing of gas from dad and Brad. That garners them a look from mom, and a penetrating stare from me. Some people are so damn rude.

A/N: I hope Lauren doesn't seem like too much of a bitch for turning down Randy's proposal of engagement.

Don't worry, there's more angst and drama to come next chapter, I just needed kind of a filler chapter to get from point A to point B.

As always, please read and review.

- Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	12. Chapter 11: Rape and Kidnap

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 11

Randy's POV

'Hello' I answer the phone.

'Hi, is Lauren there?' asks a male voice on the other end of the line.

'No, she's moved. Can I take a message?' I ask.

'Yeah, tell her she needs to call Allan Davidson' the guy responds.

'And who might you be?' I inquire.

'I'm her boyfriend. Who are you?' the guy named Allan asks.

'Well, you're mistaken. I'm her boyfriend. Although I'm not proud of it, I'm the one responsible for her being pregnant' I explain.

'No, that's me. She told me that I got her pregnant' Allan insists.

'Really. So when was it that you had sex with her then?' I ask, ready to prove this SOB wrong about being the kid's dad.

'Late February' answers Allan.

I hang up before I let myself respond to that last comment.

So if Allan had sex with her in late February, then that means he could be the kid's father. But, I had sex with her in late February too, so it could be my child. Either way, it sounds like Miss Lauren has some explaining to do, not only to me, but to Mr. Allan too.

I decide to go over to Wilson's house and talk to her.

Again I debate whether or not I should knock on the door, or ring the doorbell that works only part of the time. And again, I'm nearly knocked down, but this time by Wilson.

'Well heidi ho there Taylor teen' greets Wilson.

'Hi Wilson. I'm just on my way over here to talk to Lauren' I explain.

'She's up in her room' Wilson says.

'Okay, thanks' I say, entering the house through the back door.

As I walk up the stairs, I debate on what I should say to Lauren.

I knock on her door, still having no idea how to even broach the subject.

'Come in' she hollers.

I do so.

'Oh hi Randy. How are you today?' Lauren asks genially.

'Not so good. I just got a phone call for you' I say, pausing for effect.

'Who was it?' she asks innocently.

'It was from an Allan Davidson' I say as I watch a look of horror come over her face when she hears me say that.

'He did. So what did he say?' asks Lauren.

'Oh he just said that you need to call him' I reply.

'Oh, okay. Well thanks for letting me know' Lauren smiles. I can tell by the look in her eyes that she hopes I'll be leaving soon. I don't.

'That's all he said initially. He also said that he was your boyfriend' I say.

'Well, he was before I met you' says Lauren.

'Then he told me something _very_ interesting. He said that you had told him you was pregnant. And that you had told him that _he_ was the father of your child' I say damningly.

'Uh…well…Randy, I can explain' Lauren says hurriedly.

'And I'm dying to here you do so' I say with a fake smile.

'I told him before I told you, but then I realized that I'd had sex with him too early for him to be the father' Lauren explains, as if the answer were as simple as pie.

'Yeah, about that. What happened to "Oh, I don't want to have sex until I'm married"?' I ask provokingly.

Lauren just sighs.

'So you did have sex with him then?' I inquire.

Another sigh.

'Damn it, Lauren, I just want to know who really, honestly is the father of this child' I say, borderline shout.

'You. You are Randy. That's the honest to God truth' she says.

'How can I be sure?' I question.

'You just have to have faith in me. You have to believe me' Lauren says, looking at me with big puppy dog eyes.

'Lauren, don't give me that puppy dog face. I'll support you no matter whose kid it is, I just want to know so I don't deceive the poor kid. He/she deserves to know who his/her father really is' I say sympathetically.

'So you're not upset with me?' she asks, once again giving me the puppy dog eyes.

'Hell yes I am. I'm mad because that jackass Allan David or whatever his name is thinks he's the kid's father. Oh, and by the way, you will be telling him he isn't and I will be reminding him who your boyfriend is' I state.

'Randy. I did have sex with Allan Davidson. I didn't want to. He made me. I wasn't even interested in him. Ever.' Lauren says. 'Don't tell anyone' she adds.

'So...so...this guy raped you?' I ask in shock.

'No, he was right, I did kind of have it coming to me' says Lauren sounding embarrassed.

'If he made you have sex, and you didn't want to, that's rape, Lauren' I say, my blood starting to boil.

'Don't tell anyone yet. I'll...I'll tell dad sometime tomorrow' she says.

'Why have you waited for four months?' I ask in disbelief.

'I didn't really think of it as r-r-rape until you talked to me about it' Lauren says, starting to cry a little bit now.

'If you don't tell your dad, I'm telling my parents, understand?' I say.

* * *

The Next Day

'Randy, why don't you run next door and see if Lauren and Wilson would like to go to church with us?' mom commands.

Even though I'm not really all for sitting in a church, and she knows it, mom still makes me go sometimes anyways.

I walk around the fence to Wilson's house and use the knocker to knock on the door. Lauren answers the door.

'Hey Lauren, I just wanted to find out if you and Wilson wanted to go to church with us today' I say.

'I can, I don't think dad will want to though' she says.

'Okay, just come on over in about 15 minutes then. That's when we'll be leaving' I explain.

* * *

A Little Later After Church

Randy's POV

'So, that was an interesting sermon. What'd you think Randy?' asks Lauren once we get home.

'It was okay. I don't know if I agree with everything that was in there. Like that about God's Perfect Sex Plan. I mean, I agree with someone being monogamous, married, and married for life, but not with heterosexual. I mean, I'm not homosexual, but there's nothing wrong with people who are homosexual. God made them homosexual, so I think it's a little hypocritical to say that part of God's perfect sex plan is being heterosexual. That kind of thing just pisses me off to no end. Just because someone is gay doesn't mean that they're different or that they should have to spend an eternity in hell' I say, getting rather hot under the collar.

'I agree' Lauren says simply, making my response to her question seem like a thesis.

'So, what do you want to do now?' I ask Lauren.

'I was actually hoping that maybe you could come over and spend the day with dad and me' Lauren says, pleading with me.

'Okay. And what would I be doing?' I inquire.

'I don't know. Just hanging out, playing games, you know, that type of thing' replies Lauren.

'Sounds good to me, let me just tell mom, and remind her that Wilson, I mean your dad, will be there supervising the entire time' I smile.

'Okay. Just come on over and let yourself in. I'll tell dad that you're coming' Lauren says, getting up from the porch swing.

I get up as well, and walk inside where mom is nursing a blueberry muffin and a cup of Candy Cane Lane tea. I don't know how she can drink that stuff in the middle of June.

'Hey mom, is it alright if I spend the day over at Wilson's?' I ask.

'Doing what?' she replies, not missing a beat.

'Just hanging out with Lauren, that kind of thing. Don't worry, Wilson will be there the whole time to supervise' I add before she can even ask.

'It's fine by me. Just be back over here for dinner at 6:15' mom says, grabbing the morning paper.

I walk back around to the other side of the fence. I just walk right in like Lauren told me to do, but I don't see her or Wilson anywhere.

At first that seems kind of odd, but then I remember how big of a house this actually is.

'Wilson! Lauren!' I call out on my way to the living room.

As I enter the living room, I nearly trip over something. It's a bloody baseball bat. This should've concerned me, but Wilson's been our neighbor long enough that it doesn't. Then I see the front door hanging wide open. I walk outside and check around the front yard, to see if someone's outside in the front yard. Nope.

Now I run back through the house, around the fence, and inside our house where mom is still sitting and drinking her tea.

'Mom, come over here. You need to come over here now' I say, out of breath.

'What? What's going on?' she asks.

'Wilson and Lauren aren't there, and there's a bloody baseball bat in the living room, and the front door is standing wide open' I say in a panic.

Hearing this, she runs ahead. When she arrives there, the bloody baseball bat is still laying in the middle of the floor, and the door is still open. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a figure dart across the yard. Damn! The person must've heard us coming. I run outside, hoping to catch a glimpse of who it is, but I'm too late. I come back sinside, and look around at the scene with mom.

'I have to tell you something mom. I think this could have something to do with Lauren and Wilson not being here. Yesterday, I talked to Lauren and she said that some guy named Allan Davidson had raped her back in February. See, this guy called our house yesterday, claiming to be Lauren's baby's father. I told him that I was the father, then he got really ticked off, and hung up. Lauren just hadn't told anyone about the rape until she told me, because she hadn't even though of it as rape until she talked it out with me yesterday' I say, rushing through everything as if some big dam in my mouth that was holding back words busted.

Mom just looks at me in pure terror.

Then I realize, Oh God, I could be responsible for this. If either of them winds up dead, I would responsible.

* * *

A/N: So, who's the one that's hurt? Lauren or Wilson? Just keep reading to find out.

Please read and review if you want more updates.

BTW, the reason I'm doing a mass update of my stories is today I have to have surgery performed on my nose, so I won't feel like writing or updating for at least a week, probably closer to two.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	13. Chapter 12: Help!

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 12

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 12

Randy's POV

'So, recap the story for me please' requested Sergeant Alch.

'Okay. So yesterday some guy named Allan Davidson called the Taylor residence, looking for Lauren. I informed him that she'd moved. I then proceeded to ask who he was. He said that he was Lauren's boyfriend, and I told him that he was mistaken, because I was her boyfriend. I also told him that I was the one that got Lauren pregnant. He insisted that he was her boyfriend, and that he had gotten her pregnant. After that, I just hung up. So I go over to Wilson and Lauren's house, and talked to Lauren about the call' I recount to the police sergeant.

'And that's when she informed you that she'd been raped by this Allan Davidson?' the other detective, Detective Sherwood, asks with a raised eyebrow.

'Yes. She said she would tell her father, my next door neighbor, by the end of the next day, which is today. I told her that if she didn't, I would tell my parents' I respond to Detective Sherwood's question.

'And then what happened?' Sergeant Alch asks, trying to keep things moving here.

'Then today after Lauren went to church with us, the Taylors, she invited me over to her house to just hang out. I went and asked my mom's permission, then went around the fence and just walked right into their house, like Lauren told me to. When I walked into the living room, I found the door open and the bloody baseball bat that you all wound up finding in the bushes. So I ran back to my house, got my mom, and ran back over to Wilson's house. When we got there, we didn't find anything, but I did see a figure running out of the yard. Then we called the police' I explain.

'Could you describe the figure that you saw leaving the yard?' asks Detective Sherwood..

'No. Like I said, I just barely saw them through the window, and by the time I made it out onto the porch, the person was long gone' I say sadly.

'We've ran DNA tests on the blood we found on the baseball bat. The blood is that of a man' states Alch in a monotone voice.

'So Lauren isn't hurt?' I ask, jumping to conclusions.

'We can't say whether or not she's hurt, but we can say that she wasn't hit with the baseball bat' Alch answers to my question.

'Well, thank you Mr. Taylor. We'll be in touch with your family if we find anything out' Detective Sherwood says standing and extending his hand towards mine. Even though I'm not much in the mood for handshaking, I oblige him anyways.

I see mom as soon as I leave the interrogation room.

'So are we free to go?' she asks, looking first at me, then towards Detective Sherwood, who showed me out of the room.

'Yes ma'am. Like we told your boy, if we find anything, you'll be the first to know' replies Detective Sherwood.

'Excuse me, could I use your restroom?' asks mom, sounding a little embarrassed.

'Yeah, sure. Go over to those vending machines, take a right, and it'll be the third door on your left' instructs the detective.

'Okay, thank you. Randy, you just stay here, I'll be back in a minute' mom says.

I stand there, and just soak in the atmosphere. Everything looks so similar to the squad room on Homicide: Life on the Street. I can just imagine Pembleton and Bayliss coming in any minute arguing about something, anything. I can imagine Munch sitting at a desk and talking about conspiracies and government cover ups.

'Randy, are you ready to go?' asks mom out of nowhere. Wow, I hadn't even really realized that she'd left to go the bathroom yet.

'Yeah' I reply.

On the way home, I have a revelation.

'Mom, why don't we go see if that guy, uh…Jonathan Weiss could take this case? He seems to work pretty fast. He'd probably be able to devote more time to it than the police' I suggest.

'I thought you didn't like him' mom points out.

'No, I said _he_ doesn't like _me_' I correct her.

'You really think we should give him a try?' asks mom in disbelief.

'Yeah. He found out who Lauren's father was in a couple of weeks. He seems to know what he's doing, so yeah' I say.

'Okay. So do you want to stop by there now?' mom asks.

'Would he be there? It **is** a Sunday.' I remind her.

'Well, it won't hurt to check' she says, while performing a u-turn.

In 25 minutes, we reach the office of Jonathan T. Weiss, PI.

'Well, it looks like _somebody_ is here' I say. I see one car in the parking lot. (It's a blue Jaguar XKR).

We both get out of the car, and head over to the door. We knock on the door.

'Come in' shouts a voice that sounds like Jonathan's.

We do so. As mom opens the door though, it lets out a huge squeak.

'You might want to put some oil on that door' I suggest when we come face to face with him.

'No, I like it that way. That way I know when someone comes in' Jonathan says mysteriously. (Somehow, everything out of this guy's mouth sounds mysterious).

'But I assume you didn't come here to talk about lubrication for my doors' smiles Jonathan.

'No. Remember a few weeks ago we wanted you to find that girl's father? Well, now that girl and her father have been kidnapped, and one of them might be hurt. Now, we've already told the police about this, but we was hoping you'd work the case too, since I'm sure you do much better work than the police' mom blurts out.

'Okay, slow down. How long have they been missing?' Jonathan asks.

'Just since this morning' I say.

So we sit there and recount every detail to Jonathan.

'Okay. I'll take the case. I'll handle this one personally as well. As before, it'll be 50 dollars for the office visit. But for kidnapping cases, I charge 65 per day since they're riskier and usually take less time' Jonathan explains.

'Okay. Well what do you know, I actually have cash on me this time!' laughs mom.

Mom pays Jonathan, then we leave.

'I hope he finds them' I say on the way home.

'Yeah, me too' replies mom.

That's the only dialogue we share on the 20 minute ride home.

* * *

A/N: See, I didn't lie when I said that Jonathan T. Weiss would be back.

Once again, if there is any incorrect information, sorry, but I don't know much about PIs.

So, are Lauren and Wilson alive? Who would do something like this?

Just keep reading and reviewing to find out.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	14. Chapter 13: Hide and Seek

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 13

Wilson's POV

This is all just so unbelievable. Who would want to kidnap a middle aged man and his teenage daughter?

You know, I really thought that we might have had a chance for escape when Lauren managed to free the baseball bat from the man's hands and used it to hit him on the head. I don't think she meant to, but she wound up drawing blood. But then when the other creeps came in after us, I knew we weren't going to be able to get out of this situation.

The past couple of weeks have just been so hectic, but at the same time so joyful for me. Not only do I find my long lost daughter (well, I guess she actually found me), but it turns out to be someone I know.

I think at first Lauren was worried that I might be upset with her for being pregnant, but it's quite the contrary. I'm actually very ecstatic about her pregnancy. There's only two people I wish were here to see this day. Katheryn, obviously, and her older brother, Thornton, who was 16 when she was born. I always wished that I could've talked him into moving back to Detroit after he finished college. (He started at the age of 16). But, alas, he never could be persuaded to do so.

I wonder where we're even at. The men who came in after Lauren hurt the first man held us down, tied our hands behind our back, put tape over our mouths, and put us in some sort of body bag, then put us in a car, and we drove for what must've been around half an hour, or close to it.

All I know now is we're in some sort of warehouse. That reminds me of the Dave Matthews Band song "Warehouse". Anyways, once we got to the warehouse, they took us out of the body bags, tore the tape off of our mouths, and just left us to sit here, probably to rot. We don't dare scream for help though, because the men are no more than 150 feet away, and they would hear us before anyone else would.

'Dad, I have to tell you something' whispers Lauren to me.

* * *

Lauren's POV

'Yes' replies dad.

'I know the guy who tried to hit me with the baseball bat. He goes to school with me. He's a grade ahead of me. But, that's not all. I was going to tell you today, but obviously never got the chance to. The guy…the guy also…he also raped me!' I finally blurt out in sort of a yelling whisper.

'He what?!' dad whispers back furious.

'When?' he demands.

'It's been about five months now. I didn't say anything to anyone until it just kind of slipped out to Randy the other day. I never even thought of it as rape, but then Randy just kind of opened my eyes when it slipped. Up until then, I'd just blamed myself. I just kept telling myself that I had had it coming to me' I say, perhaps a bit louder than I should.

'Hey, keep it down in there!' barks someone from the group of thugs who are all sitting together at a table playing cards.

After that, nothing more is said for a while, though our eyes carry on a conversation that neither one of us can understand.

Allan Davidson really has some balls to claim to be my boyfriend, then to come after me with a baseball bat. And you know, I think almost the whole damn time we were "together", he was seeing someone else.

So yeah, as far as I'm concerned, Allan Davidson can just go to hell.

* * *

Jonathan T. Weiss' POV

Maybe the Taylors should put my number on speed dial.

I can't believe this. It's been 4 days since I started this case, and I have no information whatsoever.

'Hey boss, I just found a report from an ER that could have something to do with a case of yours' one of my underlings, David, says to me as he places a manila folder on my huge, yet cluttered oak desk.

'Thanks' I say. He lingers afterwards, so I toss a look his way that tells him he is dismissed.

'Close the door on your way out' I add, already starting to look at the file.

Hmm. Says here that on Sunday, the 15th of June, a man named Allan Davidson was treated at an ER for a head injury. He claims he and his girlfriend had got into a fight. I begin to toss this file since it is useless to us, until I read the name of the girlfriend. He didn't say the first name, but what he did say is thoroughly damning. He claims that the girl's last name is Peldon.

When I see that, I pull the file on Lauren Wilson just to double check myself. Yes, it turns out I was right. Her adoptive family's name is Peldon.

I stand up from my chair, walk over to and open the door, and go over to Trenton, my best detective. (Well, my best detective besides myself).

'Trenton, I need you to dig up every bit of information there is on a guy named Allan Davidson' I instruct.

'Sure thing boss. I'll start first thing tomorrow' he replies.

'You'll start now. You'll give your current cases to Mike and Enrique. I want you to devote every moment you spend on the clock to finding out this information' I command.

'Okay' he sighs. I can tell he isn't happy about it.

'Trenton, I know you don't like doing this type of thing, but I need someone with your kind of skills to do this' I say, looking him dead in the eye.

'Mike' I shout half way across the room 'I'll be in my office. Don't disturb me unless this place is on fire, is that understood?'

'Yup' he replies, never even looking up from his computer screen.

I go into my office, lock the door, close the blinds, and sit down in my chair. I stand up again, and walk over to a corner of the office. To the naked eye, it appears to be an ordinary bookcase. I move the bookcase off to an angle. Behind the bookcase is a secret passage that no one knows about. I open the door (which is impossible for anyone other than my self to open. See, there is no door knob, just a bunch of random switches which when flipped a certain way will cause the door to slide back like something out of Star Trek. Then behind that there is a vault, which contains a vault, which contains three items: a photograph of me and my family when I was 4, a copy of The Bible, and a bottle of extremely expensive, and extremely strong scotch.

I grab the photo first, and look at it. I smile thinking of the day the photo was taken. I then place the photo back, and grab the bottle of scotch. I don't usually make a habit of consuming alcohol while working, but I need some now to calm me. After knocking back one shot, I pour another, set the shot glass on my desk, place the scotch back in the vault, close the inner vault's door, close the outer vault's door, drag the large sliding door back manually, place the bookcase back, and then finally sit down and down the second shot of scotch. That was a lot of work for two damn shots of scotch.

Next I pull my phone closer, and dial the number for the Taylors.

'Hello' answers a man.

'Hi, is there a Jill Taylor around?' I ask.

'Uh, no, she isn't here right now. May I ask whose calling?' asks the man.

'What about Randy Taylor, is he there?' I inquire, even though I don't particularly want to speak to Randy.

'Yes, he is here. But you never did answer my question. Who the hell are you?' asks the man.

'Tell Randy Taylor that Jonathan Weiss is on the phone and needs to speak with him immediately' I say.

The man hangs up on me. Damn.

I guess I'll just have to go over there personally.

I grab the keys to my Jaguar XKR, unlock the door to my office, and open the door.

'Mike, I'm heading out. I'm not sure when I'll be back' I say, already half out the front door before Mike can reply.

The drive over to the Taylor residence doesn't take long.

I walk up the steps, and ring the doorbell.

* * *

A/N: I could've written more, but I decided to just leave everyone in suspense for a while, instead of going ahead and giving away more in this chapter.

The only comment I have is, remember the part about Lauren having a brother. And remember all of the names of the PIs in this chapter, there is a connection with a couple of them.

Please R&R if you want more of this story.

As always, thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	15. Chapter 14: And the Warehouse Slips Away

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 14

Jonathan T. Weiss' POV

I walk up the steps and ring the doorbell. After a few moments of waiting, someone answers the door. Thank God it's Randy.

'What are you doing here?' he asks me.

'I have some information about Wilson Wilson and Lauren Wilson's disappearance' I respond.

'Who is it Randy?' I can hear the man I spoke with on the phone yell towards Randy's direction.

'It's that PI that mom hired to find Lauren and Wilson' shouts Randy in response.

'So anyways, you said you found out something. What is it?' he asks me.

'Now, it's nothing to get _too_ terribly excited over. I found an emergency room report from Detroit Memorial saying that they treated an Allan Davidson for a head wound on the day that Lauren went missing. He claims he got the wound during a fight he had with his girlfriend. The only information he gave about the girlfriend is that her last name is Peldon' I explain.

'Yeah, but her last name is Wilson' Randy reminds me.

'Yes, but I'd be willing to bet that he doesn't know that' I say. By this time the man who hung up on me is standing behind Randy.

'So, how does this help us? That was four days ago. God only knows where Allan Davidson is now' the man says.

Just then my cell phone begins ringing.

'Hello' I answer.

'Boss, it's Trenton. I think I might have just found the hideout for Allan Davidson' Trenton says, sounding really excited about the information.

'Where?' I ask

'An old warehouse on Main and North Washington' Trenton answers.

'How sure are you?' I ask.

'Ninety nine nine' he responds, using his famous shorthand language.

'Okay. I'll be there' I say.

'No Mr. Taylor, not only God knows where Allan Davidson is. It turns out we do now as well. I'm going to head over to their hang out. If I find anything out, I'll call you' I explain.

'Well, shouldn't you call the police to have for back up?' asks Mr. Taylor.

'No, those morons will only get in the way' I say, giving him a look that dares him to call the police to back me up.

'Hey, you're the guy that was on the phone earlier' Mr. Taylor says, finally figuring it out.

'Yeah, I was' I say, already half in my car.

I pull out of the driveway, then dial Trenton's cell phone number.

'Trenton, I need you and everyone else at the office to get over to that warehouse you just told me about. I'll need backup for these thugs. Bring some rope as well' I command.

'Sure thing' replies Trenton.

It's so nice to have such obedient employees. Of course, when you are a private investigator, you can't employ backstabbers. And you have to employ people who aren't too proud of themselves to take instructions from someone that might be younger than them.

It takes me about fifteen minutes to get to the warehouse. I see that Trenton and everyone else beat me there, which is quite alright. That means we can get in there sooner.

'So, what's your plan?' asks Trenton as soon as I get out.

'We're going to go in there, me first, and pump whoever may be here for information on Lauren and her father. If they won't cooperate, make them cooperate' I order. Soon this information gets spread to the other 12 private dicks that work for me.

'Trenton, Mike, and my self will enter first. Then we'll have three more, and so on. The last group will be comprised of four people. Each group will enter 10 minutes apart' I continue instructing. Once again, the information gets spread quickly.

As soon as the plan was worked out, Mike, Trenton, and I started walking over in the direction of the warehouse.

We pretended to be nonchalant about the whole ordeal, and we just walked up to the door.

It's locked, just as I figured it would be. So I take out a paperclip that is unbent, and begin picking the lock. Picking locks isn't something that anyone can do just because they have a paperclip. You have to know about the different types of locks, and you have to actually learn what you need to do to pick the lock. You can't just jam an unbent paperclip into a lock and bam, the door's unlocked.

After what seems like several minutes, but was only a couple, I have successfully managed to pick the lock. Thank God the door doesn't squeak or make any sort of noise when I open it.

We all enter the warehouse, and immediately see a big card table set up in a far corner. Three people are sitting around the table. One of these seated people has a bandage wrapped on his head. I can see one more person standing approximately 100 feet away from the table, guarding what appears to be a door or entryway of some sort.

'What now?' asks Mike.

'We wait for the next wave of people, otherwise we'll be overpowered easily' I whisper.

Eventually the next three people enter as well, and stay back, close to the door so as to avoid being seen.

'We're going to wait for the next round of people before we walk over there to the thugs, that way we'll have reinforcements, and we'll greatly outnumber them. Here's the plan. Trenton, Mike, Enrique, Jarvis, and my self will take the people at the table. Joel, you and Carter will take care of the guard over at the door. Everyone else that comes in will help out wherever needed. We're going to tie them up, we'll interrogate them, and as soon as we have the information we want, we'll leave. After we've left, we'll call the police, give them an anonymous tip that there might be someone tied up in a warehouse, and we'll be off scot free' I explain my plan.

By the time I'm finished, we can see the next wave of PIs moving toward the warehouse. We wait for them, and I give them the abridged version of the plan.

Then everyone, quick as lightning, moves into action. The four detectives who accompany me are the first to come to life. We run over to the card table, safe in the knowledge that Joel and Carter have the guard distracted enough so that he can't shoot one of us. We all draw our guns on the three people at the card table.

'All three of you, get up against the wall and place your hands behind your back' I command.

Two of the punks do as they're told. The third one, the one with the bandages, the one I assume is Allan Davidson, just sits there, staring at us.

'Well come on damn it, didn't you hear me? Get over to the wall, and get your hands behind your back, or I'll make you get up against the wall. If I make you, you will get hurt, and that's a promise' I shout.

Allan stands up, hands above his head, and moves over to the wall. There he places his hands behind his back. All of this was done at gun point, of course.

'Alright, Jarvis, Mike, and Enrique, I want you to tie these men up with the rope. Hurt them if necessary' I instruct, with a bit of a malicious smile.

I glance over in the direction of the guard. Joel and Carter didn't have any problems, and they're questioning him.

'Hey boss, you might wanna come in here' yells Anthony from inside the entryway that the guard was guarding.

'Trenton, you come with me' I tell him.

We run over in that direction, not quite knowing what to expect to see.

'Holy shit' I can't help but mumble when I see what Anthony is referring to.

'Oh my God' says Trenton, who entered right behind me.

* * *

Wilson's POV

I was sleeping (somehow) when a bunch of commotion wakes me.

Two people have tied up the man who was guarding the door to mine and Lauren's room in the warehouse. Another person comes running into here.

'Hey boss, you might wanna come in here' I hear the man shout.

I'm not really sure what to think at this point. I begin to think that something gang related is going on when I see two people enter the room. I recognize one of them.

'Oh my Lord, Thornton, what are you doing here?' I ask, after the two men enter.

* * *

A/N: So, which one is Thornton? Is it Trenton, or is it Jonathan T. Weiss. Feel free to post your guesses in your review.

As always, please R&R. It isn't necessary, but it is appreciated.

Oh, and I hope that nothing in this chapter was too cheesy or unrealistic. Let me know if it was, and I'll try my best to rewrite it.

Thanks for reading, I appreciate that as well.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	16. Chapter 15: Emergency

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 15

A/N: I want to dedicate this chapter, and the rest of this story to LeRoi Moore, the saxophonist for Dave Matthews Band, who was injured on June 30 in an ATV accident. Get better soon LeRoi!

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor

* * *

Jonathan T. Weiss' POV

'Dad? Oh my God, what have they done to you?' I ask when I see my father, Wilson Wilson Wilson Jr., bound in rope in the corner of this room.

'Well, Thornton, they kidnapped me and your younger sister. Apparently one of those thugs raped her' he whispers.

'Which one?' I ask.

'Allan Davidson' dad replies, in a normal voice now.

'That bastard. I'll strangle him. I'll gouge his eyes out' I curse.

As I finish my tirade, I notice that Lauren looks like she's asleep. Strike that. She doesn't look like she's conscious.

'Lauren, can you hear me?' I shout, running over to her.

I get no response.

'Trenton, call 9-1-1' I command while I begin to check Lauren's pulse.

'What should I tell them?' Trenton asks.

'Tell them that she's nearly five months pregnant and is unconscious' I reply, still trying to get an accurate pulse.

'Does she have a pulse?' I hear Trenton ask me after a minute or so.

'Yes' I answer, a bit harsher than intended. He relays this to the 911 dispatcher.

'There's an ambulance on the way right now' Trent tells me after he gets off the phone.

'So what do we do until then?' Trent asks me.

'Well, one of us should wait outside so the paramedics will know where to go' I say.

'Alright, you go out and I'll stay here' Trenton decides.

'Oh, crap, I almost forgot about you being tied up dad' I say, walking over to him.

'Don't worry about it. It's understandable due to Lauren's current condition' he says.

'Now, you and your cousin go out there and wait for the paramedics' dad instructs me and Trenton. We do as he says.

'Hey boss, what do we do about the thugs when the medics get here?' asks Enrique once Trenton and I are outside.

'We'll just have to play that one by ear. Right now our main concern is getting Lauren taken care of. For all I care, those thugs can sit in there and rot until they go to hell' I reply, almost spitting the last part out as if it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

'Hey, Jon, do you hear sirens?' asks Trenton after about 5 more minutes of waiting.

'Yeah, I think so' I reply.

Sure enough, a few seconds later, an ambulance comes flying into the parking lot, and comes to a skidding stop about 10 feet in front of Trenton and me.

'Where's the lady at?' asks one of the paramedics while the other one is busy getting a stretcher out.

'She's inside the warehouse. Follow me' I say.

'Trenton, you stay here and help the paramedic get whatever he needs' I instruct, already on my way inside.

As soon as we get to the big room where Lauren and my dad are at, the paramedic begins checking her vital signs as well as bombarding me with questions such as "how far along is she?" and "how long has she been unconscious?"

Once the paramedics (with mine and Trenton's help) get Lauren on board the ambulance, they ask who will be riding with her to the hospital.

I turn to dad. 'You should go. Then the hospital can look you over as well' I say.

'Yes, but-' he starts to say.

'There's no time for buts, just go. I'll be there as soon as I can' I bark.

Without any further objections he boards the ambulance.

'Boss, we got a major problem. Police cars are coming zooming down the road right this direction' Mike says to me as I watch the ambulance pull away and drive off into the distance.

'Okay, everybody else get out of here. Trenton, I'll probably have to be bailed out of jail, so be prepared' I instruct.

Everybody leaves as quickly as possible. I saunter over to the spot where the first police car has pulled up.

'Who are you?' demands the officer when he steps out of the car.

'Jonathan T. Weiss, P.I.' I reply casually.

'We had a report of a pregnant woman being unconscious here. What happened?' the officer asks, demands again.

'I don't know yet. Some thugs kidnapped her and her middle aged father, both of whom I happen to be related to. I came down here, on business now mind you, to try to pump these thugs for information. I got here, and found the girl and her father tied up in a room here. The thugs are tied up as well. I'm not sure who bound them though' I say. The last part really isn't a lie. It could've been Mike, Enrique, Jarvis, Joel, Carter, Anthony, LeRoi, Kyle, Lukas, Noah, or LaRue that tied them up.

'You say you are related to the kidnapping victims?' asks the officer, who has introduced himself as Officer Wiscons, on the way inside the warehouse, to, I assume, untie the tied up punks.

'Yes, I'm the man's son, and, then obviously, the girl's brother' I answer.

'Now, do you know why the thugs kidnapped the girl?' asks Officer Wiscons.

'My guess would be because their ringleader raped the girl, Lauren, back in February' I suggest.

'How sure are you that he actually raped her?' asks the officer.

'Officer Wiscons, I'm rarely ever wrong. I believe the last time I was wrong was…let me see…1994. But seriously, my information source is very trustworthy. I'm sure you'll still want to get a confession from the girl, if and when she regains consciousness, but for now, can't you just take my word for it?' I say.

'Were the disappearances reported to the police?' asks Officer Wiscons.

'Yes, but then the family who reported it cam to see me, to see if I could work the case as well. And I'd say it's a damn good thing they did. Now, if it's alright officer, I really must be getting to the hospital' I say, trying to pull a fast one over on the officer.

'Yeah, go ahead' Officer Wiscons waves me off. (This display of stupidity actually doesn't surprise me all that much).

So I head to my Jag parked on the other side of the street. I get in, and zip off to Detroit Memorial Hospital, which is where the ambulance carrying Lauren was headed.

With the cops and thugs off my mind, my brain now begins to focus on what could possibly be wrong with Lauren. The paramedics didn't say what they thought was wrong. They just did the typical paramedic things and got her on the ambulance. Well, maybe a doctor in the emergency ward will know what's going on with her. We can only hope.

* * *

A/N: First off, let me apologize for my mini-hiatus. I would've done it at the beginning of the chapter, but I wanted to put as much emphasis as possible on that dedication.

Second, I hope that this chapter has been believable enough. (Or at least more so than the last).

Please R&R. (I'll just leave it there. I'm about to run out of little comments to follow my begging for reviews).

Thanks for reading. (I'm about to run out of little comments to stick after this too).

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	17. Chapter 16: A Relative Error

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 16

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 16

Jonathan T. Weiss' POV

She passed out. That's all that happened to Lauren. Of course, being typical doctors, it took everybody 4 hours and 8 tests including blood work to figure that out.

Apparently it was presented as hypovolemic shock, whatever the hell that might be.

I swear, doctors hear hoof beats, and they think "zebras" rather than "horses".

She is conscious and resting now.

Dad's doing alright, although he's still a little shook up.

I spoke with their respective doctors (lucky me!), and both of them can go home tomorrow. I guess I get to spend the night at the hospital too, dividing time between dad and Lauren. Maybe I should go out and by a lottery ticket.

Oh, I almost forgot, I have to call the Taylors and catch them up on everything.

'Lauren, I'm going to go call the Taylors and let them know you and dad are safe' I lean over and tell her.

She just nods her head in her state of semi-sleep.

I head out to the lobby and find a pay phone. Then I begin rummaging through my pockets for change, and don't find any.

So I walk over to the front desk.

'I'm here visiting Wilson and Lauren Wilson. I'm going to go outside and make a quick call. Now, if something happens to either of them, be sure to let me know' I say to the disinterested desk clerk. She just kind of nods her head, never even looking up from the magazine that she's flipping through. I love it when people behave intelligently.

Once outside, I dial the Taylors' number that I practically have programmed into my memory by now.

'Hello' answers Randy.

'Randy, this is Jonathan T. Weiss' I say.

'Have you found anything?' Randy cuts in before I can finish my sentence.

'Yes. Lauren and Wilson are at Detroit Memorial Hospital. The creeps who kidnapped her are in custody of the police' I answer, fighting the urge to call them the bonehead police.

'That's great! Mom, Jonathan Weiss found Lauren and Wilson!' I can hear him shout into the background.

'So, when do we pay you?' asks a new voice on the line, Jill's.

'Well, I prefer for you to pay me as opposed to anyone else. I won't be in the office until Wednesday, so I guess on Wednesday. Remember, cash only' I reply, smiling as I say the last part.

'Wednesday it is then' Jill says.

'So, are Wilson and Lauren awake? Can we come see them?' asks Randy.

'Lauren is kind of half asleep, but dad's awake' I say before I realize my error.

'What do you mean dad?' Randy asks. He's a smart kid, doesn't miss a beat.

'Wilson is actually my father as well' I explain.

'So that's how you knew about him and Lauren' Jill says as if that explains everything.

'No, it isn't actually, because I'd never met Lauren. I was in college when she was born and my mom died. This is actually the first time since 1985 that I've seen my father' I say, beginning to ramble a bit now, which I absolutely hate to do.

Just then my phone beeps, signaling that my battery is running low.

'Well, I have to go now, my phone is about to die' I say.

'Thank you very much Mr. Weiss. We appreciate everything that you've done to us over the past couple of months' Randy says.

'Please, call me Jonathan. And you're welcome' I respond.

Randy's POV

'I wonder why Wilson never mentioned having kids before?' I ask mom, still on the phone, after Jonathan hung up.

'Probably because that kind of stuff dredges up bad memories for him' she answers, still on the phone.

'So what do you want to do? I think we should head over to the hospital now, even though it is kind of late at night. What do you think?' mom asks.

'Well, since we're in the same house, the same room, and standing six feet away from each other, I think we should get off the phone first' I say in the best smart-aleck tone that I can muster.

'Good point' she says, pressing the off button on the cordless phone.

With all of that foolishness out of the way, I begin wondering about Lauren.

'Hey mom! Did Jonathan say why Lauren and Wilson were at the hospital?' I ask all of a sudden.

'No, I don't think so. Probably just precautionary measures, since Lauren is pregnant' mom shouts from the front door. (I'm standing at the door to my room).

'For some reason, I don't think it's anywhere near that simple' I say quietly to myself.

A/N: Sorry for the kind of short chapter, but I didn't want to try to fit anything else in here; otherwise the chapter would be ungodly long.

Just for anyone who's wondering, I'm planning to have about another 10 to 15 chapters for this story. But I'm not making any promises! I'm just letting everyone know how much more to expect from this story.

Please R&R, so I don't feel like I'm begging for reviews like a homeless person begging for spare pocket change.

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	18. Chapter 17: Soapy Pickles

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 17

Randy's POV

'Randy Taylor, you take that back!' Lauren shouts at me, waddling down the stairs.

'What? All I said was that I don't want to take a shower with a gallon sized jar of dill pickles sitting on the ledge of the bathtub!' I shout back from the couch.

'Yes, but you implied that I was getting too fat from eating pickles all the time' she shouts, this time in my ear.

'I did not imply anything. I'm sorry Lauren, but personal hygiene and vats of pickles mix about as well as oil and water and sound about as good some of the concoctions you've been coming up with as of late' I say in a smartass tone.

'I don't know why you have to even take a bath over here anyways' I add before I can stop myself.

'Well I'm sorry, but it's a little hard to get into the whirlpool that Harry Truman used to use when you're five months pregnant' she said, waddling over in front of the TV.

'Tim, for the thousandth time, will you put your dirty clothes in the hamper instead of just throwing them on the floor?' I hear mom yell from upstairs.

'Well honey, I didn't leave the clothes there for _you _to pick up' dad says on his way upstairs.

'Well then who _did_ you leave them for?' mom shouts.

'The laundry fairy' dad jokes.

'Laundry fairy this!' mom yells. Right after she yells that, the hamper from mom and dad's bathroom, full of clothes, comes flying down the stairs. I stifle a laugh.

'Randy! Did you hear a word I said?' barks Lauren, snapping me back to the pickle that I'm in, so to speak.

'Well, I wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't dropped the bar of soap in there. But, it was kind of funny when you ate the one that the soap hit. You know, I was pretty sweaty too, and that soap had been all over my body' I say, beginning to laugh uncontrollably now.

My laughter gets a pillow thrown in my face.

'I mean, how hard is it to just pick the damn things up instead of tossing them on the floor? It takes an extra ten seconds' mom says coming down the stairs, in a full blown tirade now.

'It's not like I ask you to do that much around the house. Cook the occasional meal, cut the grass, and repair the occasional appliance, which you don't even do anyways' she says, headed straight for the kitchen.

Just then I see Brad and Mark come walking in.

'I told you that I had nothing to do with you getting that pie thrown in your face' Mark yells.

'Yeah right, just like Randy and I never had anything to do with all the bad stuff that happened to you as a kid' Brad yells back.

'Randy, I know you think you are funny when you say this stuff, but you aren't' Lauren yells at me.

'Hey, at least I didn't tell you about knocking the jar over into the shower. Then you'd be really disgusted. Oops' I say, realizing my gaffe.

'You what!! You could've told me about all this before I was half way through what was left in the jar!' Lauren yells.

'I help you out tons around the house' dad yells back, now in the kitchen as well.

'Yeah, as long as you get to make something more powerful or blow something up!' mom barks back.

'Brad, I'm sure the whipped cream will come out of your shirt, so will you stop worrying about it?' Mark says.

'No! This shirt is one of a kind!' exclaims Brad.

'Have you ever wondered why?!' Mark jokes. (It is an ugly looking shirt).

'Randy, you are so sick and disgusting!' Lauren barks at me.

'Yeah, but at least my disgustingness isn't an unbearable disgustingness like yours is' I yell before I can stop myself.

'I'll have you know I do a hell of a lot around this house that goes unnoticed by you!' dad shouts.

'I shouldn't have to notice it! The things you do are things that you should do anyways!' screams mom.

'So, at least my wardrobe has some actual color in it besides black!' yells Brad, now standing in the dining room, facing off against Mark.

'Could everybody just shut up so I can hear who I'm arguing with!' mom, Mark, and I shout all at the same time.

'You know what, Randy, Mark, Tim, outside!' mom orders

We do as we're told.

'Lauren, you get that door there, Brad, you get the French doors, and I'll get the front door. Yeah, close the blinds please' everyone can hear mom say from inside.

Oh God, why did we listen to her? Then I look over at Mark and dad, and think "Correction, why did _I _listen to her?"

I walk over to the French doors and bang on them.

'Lauren, open up. I'm sorry I implied that you were a big fat cow even though I never said that. Don't worry, if you do open up, I'll leave dad and Mark outside' I negotiate.

Lauren opens the blinds up all the way on one door. I see her sitting there in a chair, with the jar of pickles in her lap, and the biggest bottle of barbecue sauce I've ever seen in one hand.

* * *

A/N: So, I hope this was funny for everyone.

If you all liked it, you can thank Baxxie for the idea. If you all hated it, you can thank me for the idea.

I'd like to say in my defense that I do not, let me repeat this now, _**do not **_think that pregnant women are big fat cows. I just put that in there for a touch of humor and to make things more interesting for Randy and Lauren.

Oh, by the way, I hope I didn't confuse anyone with too many fights going on in this chapter. Sorry if I did!

Please read and review, otherwise I'll drop a bar of used soap in _your _pickle jar.

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	19. Chapter 18: Let Me In

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 18

Randy's POV

'Brad! Let me in! Come on. I had nothing to do with yours and Mark's fight' I shout, pounding on the door, hoping that Brad will let me in. I have no such luck, however.

'Dad, what do we do now?' Mark asks.

'Wait out here. They have to leave the house at some point in time. We _are_ down to the final jar of pickles' dad points out. He and Mark chuckle at this, however I do not. After all, it's remarks like that that got me in this situation in the first place.

'Well, I'm going to go over to Wilson's and ask if I can use his bathroom' Mark says after a couple of minutes of waiting. He walks around the fence with a bit of a limp, so it's obvious his issues are very urgent.

I walk over to the lawn chairs, then get an idea that is so ludicrous and ridiculous that it just might work.

'Hey dad, give me a hand here' I say, placing one lawn chair in front of the back door.

'Sure...What exactly are you doing?' dad asks.

'We put the lawn chairs in front of the doors, and then each one of us will sit in one of the lawn chairs so when Lauren, Brad, or mom open up the aforementioned door, we can get back inside' I explain, lugging another chair towards the French doors.

'Randy, could I talk with you about something for a second?' dad asks.

'Yeah...sure' I say, getting the feeling that this talk is not going to be a typical conversation with dad.

'First off, please bear with me while I try to think about what to say. I always thought that I'd be giving this talk to Brad first' dad begins. 'Here in about four months, you're going to be a father. This is serious business-' dad says.

I interrupt 'I know it's serious dad-' I start.

He interrupts me 'I know you know, now let me say what I want to say'. 'I'm not going to get into anything about how the baby got here, I think we've covered that well enough in the previous months. God, I really wish I knew what to say about this. I mean, this is serious stuff, Randy. You're going to be responsible for a human life. Now, I'm not trying to scare you here, but you have to be prepared. If and when your mother and her brigade decide to let us back in the house, we're going to have to sit down and talk about this some more. You have to decide who will watch the child since you and Lauren both have school, how you all will work out living arrangments, stuff like that. Now, your mom and I will do what we can to help. I just don't want this to be for you how it was for your Uncle Rick and my mom. When he was eighteen and got a girl pregnant, she didn't speak to him for two and a half years'.

'Wow. I never realized that about grandma and Uncle Rick' I say, for lack of anything else to say. There's no real response to this kind of talk.

'Yeah. Well, it's not something we all discuss a whole lot' dad says, just frowning at the thought.

'Oh, here comes Mark' I comment.

'Mark, come over here and sit down on the chair in front of the back door' I instruct.

'And do what?' Mark asks suspiciously.

'Wait until somebody inside opens the door, grab the door and keep them from closing it, and force your way back in the house. Then you let the other two people in' I explain my plan, which is sounding stupider and more unrealistic all the time.

I take my spot by the back door, Mark takes his by the front door, and dad sprawls out on the lawn chair blocking the path to the French doors.

'Heidi ho Taylor threesome' Wilson says after we've been sitting for a few minutes.

'Hi Wilson' Mark, dad, and I say in concert.

'So, is it a camp out or a barbecue?' Wilson asks.

'No, mom locked us out. All three of us were arguing with somebody over something, so...' I say, trailing off at the end. I'm going to assume that Wilson knows mom well enough that he can finish my sentence for me.

'Well, tell Lauren that I need to see her when you all get back inside' Wilson says, not his usual self.

'I wonder what's up with him?' I say to my self out loud.

Before my brain can process the matter any further, the door I'm guarding opens.

Lauren is standing there, shocked to see her fiancee-to-be sitting in a lawn chair, blocking her well waddled path.

'What are you doing?' she demands, giving me a look that says "I don't want to know what the hell you're doing".

'Going inside' I say, sticking my hand and foot in the door before Lauren can close it.

Before anyone can realize what's going on, I throw my self inside, close the door, and then lock it, with Lauren, Brad, and mom looking at me like I'm psychotic the entire time.

'What do you think you're doing?' dad yells from outside.

'I said I would let everyone in. I never said when' I cackle evilly.

* * *

A/N: I hope the lawn chair idea wasn't too stupid and was even a little believable. If not, then tough crunchy.

Once again, I need to thank Baxxie for being part of this chapter. She helped proofread Tim's little speech to Randy, so thank you Baxxie. I really don't know what I'd do without you! :)

By the way, next chapter I'll have Mark and Brad's POV on being uncles and Jill's POV on being a grandmother. I might (now this isn't a guarantee), but I just might have Wilson's thoughts on being a grandfather. I might decide to save that for a couple of chapters though. It'll just depend on how much else I write.

Please R&R if you want to find out what's up with Wilson. If you don't review, then I'll be waiting for you outside your door in my lawn chair.

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	20. Chapter 19: Just Think About It

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 19

A/N: This chapter is going to be mainly people just giving their point of view on being uncles and a grandmother. At the very end is a conversation between Lauren and Wilson. Enjoy.

* * *

Brad's POV

Lauren is almost six months pregnant now, and you can definitely tell.

She definitely has the whole mood swings thing down. The other night she was over here with Wilson, and dad was watching the Tigers game, and when the Tigers lost it after having a seven run lead, Lauren started crying like she'd just saw her puppy brutally murdered right in front of her.

I never really imagined Randy getting a girl pregnant until he was in his thirties, honestly.

I'm glad I'm not in his shoes. I'd be absolutely terrified about being a father. Hell, I'm terrified about being an uncle. I mean, the last time I had any ultra major significance in a baby's life was when Mark was born.

* * *

Mark's POV

If I've learned nothing else from Lauren being pregnant, I've learned to fear mood swings like Christians fear hell and the wrath of God.

One second Lauren will be just as nice as can be, then if you do one thing wrong, she turns into a total bitch, then the next second she's crying because you screwed something up, then she doesn't care that it happened and tells you that it isn't your fault, then we're back to happy Lauren. This cycle (in all its ferocity) can repeat several times in a day.

I feel sorry for Randy. Especially after the whole soap and pickles dispute that they had. (Which I _don't _even want to know any details about).

I'm kind of excited about being an uncle though. A little nervous, but definitely excited.

One thing I don't think anyone has considered in all of this. Randy and Lauren both have two more years of school left. Mom has school, and dad has work. Who is going to take care of this baby? I mean, I know Lauren will for a while, but still, I mean, really the only option other than daycare is Wilson, and he maybe able to do anything, but I don't know if he's up to the challenge of caring for a baby.

Oh well, I guess that's for Randy, Lauren, Wilson, mom, and dad to figure out, and for me to not really care about.

I just wonder how mom feels about being a grandmother.

* * *

Jill's POV

Lauren is going to be six months pregnant on the ninth. God, that just seems so hard to believe.

Of course, Lauren being pregnant by Randy is even harder to believe. I could still slap him black and blue for having...well, you know, doing it with Lauren.

A thought just dawned on me the other night. When she gives birth, I'm going to be a grandmother. Now tell me, what is that kid going to think having a grandmother that is in college? What is this grandmother going to think about having a grandchild while the grandmother is in college?

Truthfully, I'm excited that I'll have a grandchild to spoil with presents and candy and all that other junk that will make Lauren want to smack me for giving the kid.

I don't know how time feels about all of this. I think he's been trying to give Randy little bits and pieces of advice about being a father.

God, that doesn't even sound right.

I have talked with Wilson about all of this, and he's agreed to take care of the baby (Randy and Lauren don't want to know the gender).

* * *

Wilson's POV

'Oh hi Lauren. Did Randy tell you that you needed to come talk to me?' I ask as soon as I see Lauren come walking in.

'Yeah, he said that you were acting kind of strange' she replies.

'Yes. Well, I just received this in the mail' I say, producing a letter for her to read.

I watch her facial reactions as she reads the letter. The letter is from an attorney, Janaki Greene. She's representing Allan Davidson. Apparently he wants the baby that Lauren is going to have to be tested after it is born to determine who the father is. I can't believe the nerve that that kid has. To do this after kidnapping Lauren and me.

'Can he do that?' she asks once she's finished reading.

'I didn't know that he could, but apparently he can' I reply.

'But dad, I've already told him that he is not the father. Randy is the father. There's just no possible way that this jerk can be the father' Lauren insists.

'I believe you, but obivously this jerk doesn't' I say.

'Well can't we fight him on this?' she asks.

'I don't know if we can or not. I have a friend who is a lawyer. He's due to be flying in from Germany in a couple of weeks, we can talk with him about all this. His name is Randy Maple' I say.

'Oh just what I need in my life, another Randy' Lauren jokes.

'That may be so, but he is a very knowledgeable lawyer' I say, in no joking mood.

* * *

A/N: First off, I don't know if Allan Davidson can legally do what he's doing here or not, but we'll pretend he can so that Lauren and Randy will truly go through "Nine Months of Hell". If you don't like that, then go write your own story. (Just kidding!)

I guess I'll have Wilson's thoughts on being a grandfather in the next chapter, and probably some stuff to do with Jonathan T. Weiss. I'm not going to say anything else about it though.

Please R&R.

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	21. Chapter 20: Breakfast

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 20

Jonathan T. Weiss' POV

'So I assume you're going to ask Randy for legal advice, right?' I ask dad. We're sitting in a booth at the Golden Kettle, deciding on what we want for breakfast.

'Maple or Taylor?' he asks.

'Randy Maple. What would Randy Taylor know about giving legal advice? He's in high school for crying out loud' I say.

'Yes. If there's a way to prevent Allan Davidson from putting that child through a paternity test, Randy Maple will definitely know' dad answers.

'So, I imagine that Randy is pretty excited' I comment. Now we're just waiting for the waitress to come by and take our orders.

'Oh yes, he can't wait' dad says.

'I just hope his sleep isn't affected too much' he adds.

'It probably will be though. I mean, taking care of baby is a tiresome job. I remember how tired Uncle Wilton was when Willow was first born' I reminisce.

'No, I'm talking about Randy' dad says.

'Taylor?' I ask.

'Maple' he says.

'Okay, I'm getting confused. I was talking about Randy Taylor when I said he must be excited' I explain.

'And I was talking about Randy Maple when I said I hope his sleep isn't affected too much' dad explains.

'Let's try this again. I hope Randy Taylor is excited' I say. I can't help but smiling at all the Randys.

'I'm sure that he is. You know, I haven't spoken with him yet on the subject. So much has happened since I found out that Lauren was my daughter, that I just really haven't had the time yet. Maybe I'll do that later on today' he says.

'You know Thornton, all this baby talk makes me think back to when you were just a baby' dad remembers. He's the only who still calls me Thornton, instead of Jonathan. In fact, he's the only one that I let call me Thornton. I mean, there's nothing wrong with the name Thornton, but Jonathan just sounds so much cooler.

'You had the most awful colic until I found out about that ginger root juice' he says.

'You made me drink ginger root juice?' I question. No wonder I can't stand the smell of ginger.

'No no, I rubbed it on your stomach. It worked wonders for you' dad says.

'Has anybody else actually even tried using ginger root juice?' I ask.

'Oh yes. It worked wonders on Randy' dad remarks.

'Which one?!' I ask exasperatedly.

'Taylor' he specifies.

'Okay, from now on, Randy will be Randy Taylor, and Randy M. will be Randy Maple, how does that sound?' I suggest.

'Works for me' dad says with a shrug.

'What was life like then for you? I mean before the Taylors moved in and you became the male version of Ann Landers?' I ask.

'Well, I had a lot more free time for one thing' he says with a smile.

'I just want to know one thing. How do you feel about being a grandfather?' I ask.

'I've always wanted to be one. I thought for sure I'd lost out on the oppurtunity though after you went out into the world and I had no clue where you was and of course letting Lauren be adopted. I had this recurring dream that someday you'd show up on my door step to visit me with two little grandchildren' he says.

'I'm sorry, but I doubt that dream ever comes true. If it does, it'll be ten or fifteen years from now. Me and Amanda are pretty much in agreement that we're both too busy to properly care for a child yet. Of course, the fact that she had that miscarriage nine years ago doesn't help our urge to procreate' I say.

'So, what'll it be?' asks the waitress, pen and pad in hand, ready to jot down our orders.

'I'll just have a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of mocha latte. Oh, and bring out a bottle of blueberry syrup on the side please' I order.

'I'll have two eggs, over easy, an English muffin, and a glass of orange juice' dad orders.

'So, you was saying that your wife had a miscarriage? What on earth happened?' dad asks.

'She was in a gas station hold up when she was about five months pregnant. She went into labor, and...' I say, trying to avoid telling the whole story.

'I'm so sorry' he says.

We sit there in silence until our breakfast comes.

'Thornton, I just want to know one thing. At least I think I do. What the hell are you going to do with that blueberry syrup?' dad asks after the waitress leaves.

'Put it in my oatmeal' I state matter-of-factly.

'And Tim and Jill think _I_ have weird tastes' he shudders.

* * *

A/N: Next chapter I'll have the conversation between Randy and Wilson. (And hopefully some good quotes on fatherhood). The chapter after that, I'll have a visit to the OB/GYN, as well as some funny scenes with Randy and Lauren.

Please read and review. I enjoy getting reviews, even if they're bad ones.

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	22. Chapter 21: It'll Take a Village

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 21

Randy's POV

'Randy, would you take that bag of trash out please?' mom asks when I come downstairs.

I survey the room, looking for the aforementioned bag. In the process, I see mom standing at the stove with the Happy Trails cookbook, a wooden spoon, and two pots. No good can come from this.

'Yeah. What're you cooking?' I ask, walking over in front of the sink, where the garbage is sitting.

'This is the sauce for a new recipe I thought I'd try. It's Spicy Vegetarian Stir Fry. Patty told me about, and I know several people at school who have tried this and they all think it's great' mom answers.

'Sounds like a hot recipe' I joke.

'Just take the trash out' she laughs.

I do as she says.

Once outside, Brad and Mark come walking into the yard. Brad is carrying a shopping bag that looks like it has a shirt in it. My guess is that Mark payed for it to replace the one that got whipped cream on it. I just hope this doesn't look like it came from the circus production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

'Hey Brad. What's that in the bag?' I ask, not really sure if I want to know.

'My new shirt that Mark payed for since he ruined the last one' Brad says.

'For the ten millionth time, I didn't have anything to do with it!' Mark exclaims.

'Wanna see?' Brad asks, ignoring Mark.

'Sure' I say half heartedly.

He pulls out the busiest, brightest, ugliest shirt I have ever seen. It has blue, green, and orange stripes on it going both vertically and horizontally. Where does he shop, the official "I'm amused by lots of bright colors" store?

'What do you think?' he asks.

'I think that if you wore this, you would look like a huge plaid shirt trapped in a lava lamp' I say.

'You're just jealous' Brad says, starting to head inside.

'Brad, I have many emotions and feelings about that shirt. Jealousy is one of the excluded few' I say.

'Heidi ho teenage Taylor' Wilson says after Mark and Brad have gone inside.

'Hi Wilson. What are you up to?' I ask.

'Oh, just providing dihydrogen monoxide for my Helianthus annuus' Wilson responds.

'Hmm. Sounds like fun' I say, jokingly.

'Not really. I'm just watering my sunflowers' he says.

'Aah. I see. I don't suppose that would be the most exciting part of flower growing, would it?' I say.

'Speaking of growing, Lauren is due to go to her next appointment with the OB/GYN this Tuesday afternoon. I'm going to be out of town all day Tuesday. Could you and your mom take her please? I'd really appreciate it' Wilson asks.

'Yeah, it's no problem. I mean, after all, I am the child's father' I say.

Wilson mumbles something that sounds like 'That remains to be seen '. I wonder if this has anything to do with Wilson's mood the other day. I'll have ask Lauren next time I see her.

'So, I assume your excited about being a father' Wilson says, standing up now and walking over to the fence.

'Yeah. I'm real nervous too' I admit.

'Well, Simone de Beauvoir would agree with you. He said "It's frightening to think that you mark your children merely by being yourself"' Wilson quotes.

'Exactly. I'm afraid if I make one wrong move, I'll screw up the kid for the rest of its life. I just wish there was some way to get more knowledge of babies and being a father and those types of things. I don't really feel like I know anything about being a father' I explain.

'Oh, Randy, Randy, every father goes through that before their first child is born. In the words of Benjamin Spock, author of "The Common Sense Book of Baby and Child Care"; "You know more than you think you do" Wilson says.

'Are you sure in some cases it isn't "Necessity does the work of courage"?' I ask.

'I suppose in some cases, yes, but I don't think you should be worried about that' he says.

'Well, I wouldn't be worried if Lauren and I weren't so young, but-' I start to say, but get cut off by Wilson.

'But you do have the wisdom of three successful parents at your all's disposal. As the African saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child' Wilson says with his third quote in the past few minutes.

'Wilson, is there anything you don't have a quote for?' I ask.

'Yes. Quotations' he answers.

'Dinner's ready Randy!' shouts mom.

'Okay' I say.

'Well, Wilson, do you have any quotes on having to eat food that you know is going to be bad?' I ask jokingly.

'Yes. Hope like hell that it turns out to taste good' he says.

'And if that doesn't work...?' I ask.

'Pretend that you suddenly came down with the stomach flu' Wilson states.

'Thanks for the advice' I say as I get down off the lawnchair I've been standing on.

* * *

A/N: First off, I want to once again say how wonderful the book "The Quotationary" is. Without that book, I couldn't write any of the scenes with Wilson giving advice.

Please R&R. The more reviews I get, the faster I'll post the next chapter, and trust me, it's going to be a good one, and a funny one. It will feature the, shall we say "testicular humor" that I promised several chapters ago. (Yes, it took me this long to think up one).

Thank you for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	23. Chapter 22: Got Any Balls?

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 22

Randy's POV

'Lauren, you can go on and sit down. I'll get you signed in' I tell Lauren once we get to Dr. Fields' office. Mom had a class, so she couldn't make it here today.

'Hi, Lauren Taylor is here for her appointment' I tell the receptionist.

'Okay. You can have a seat over there' the woman says, motioning to the large sofa where Lauren was seated. The only problem with that was the other pregnant woman sitting there, leaving me room enough to sit half of my body down.

With lots of effort and lots of finesse, I manage to sit down, albeit in one of the most uncomfortable positions I think I've ever sat in before. I have my legs sitting practically one on top of the other, my arms hugging my torso, and my butt is about at the same height as my calves (or perhaps in this situation, calf).

It seems like just as I get settled in, the nurse comes out and calls Lauren's name. Lovely.

I have to get out first, so as to help Lauren up. For a minute, I try merely standing up like a normal, sane person would. When that doesn't work, I try getting a little momentum built up by rocking back and forth. This fails as well. I'm about to give up when I decide to try sliding off the couch. (Not that I have a fetish for the flooring of a doctor's office or anything). This works just fine except for the fact that I fall flat on my face, and in the process manage to hit the "main attraction" of "man land" shall we say.

The rest of the visit to the OB/GYN goes without pain or embarrassment for me. The only real exciting thing that happened is that Dr. Fields does change Lauren's due date to November 29. (Which means she has exactly three months left to go)

'So, Lauren we have a couple hours to kill still. Do you want to go anywhere while we're out?' I ask her as we pull out of the parking lot.

'I would like to go to Wal-Mart just to look around' she says.

'Okay' I say.

'I've been meaning to ask you, what's up with your dad? He was acting strange the other day, and then Saturday when I was talking to him, I mentioned something about being a father, and he mumbled something that sounded like "that remains to be determined"' I ask.

'I didn't want to say anything to you yet. Remember the other day when your mom locked you and your dad and Mark outside because we were all fighting? Well, that day dad got a letter in the mail from an attorney representing Allan Davidson. Once the baby is born, it has to have a DNA test done on it to determine who the father is' Lauren explains.

'But didn't you tell that creep that I was the father? He has a lot of nerve anyways, to be doing this after he and his thugs kidnapped you and Wilson. Maybe you should sick Jonathan on them again' I say.

'Yes, I've told the idiot a thousand times that he isn't the father, and that you are, but apparently he's convinced this attorney, Janaki Greene, otherwise. And as far as Jonathan goes, I think he's with my dad on this. See, my dad has this lawyer friend coming in from Germany next week, and he says that he'll talk to Randy about it and see if this is all legal' Lauren says.

'He's going to talk to me?' I ask, confused.

'No, his friend's name is Randy Maple. Yeah, I know, it get's really confusing as far as conversation goes' she explains.

'Oh, Randy! There's a parking space right there' Lauren points out to me.

I park the car, and we get out of the car and enter the store, all thoughts of Allan Davidson gone.

'Where are we going to first?' I ask.

'I wanted to look at clothes first' she says, walking/waddling off in the direction of the children's clothes department.

'Lauren, how are we going to buy clothes if we don't know what gender our baby is?' I ask.

'We won't buy anything yet, but we can still look and decide what we like and make plans' Lauren says.

'Don't you think this is just darling?' Lauren asks, holding up what looks like a shrunk Ronald McDonald outfit.

'Guys don't say or think that something is darling. Guys don't even say darling! But, it does look like a...nice little outfit' I say. She just cocks an eyebrow and gives me a look when I say that. (I don't know which look, but I think it's kind of one of those universal looks that all girls are born with the power to give).

After she grows tired of looking at clothes (which isn't near soon enough in my opinion), we move over to the toy department.

'What do you think of these blocks?' Lauren asks, brandishing a large plastic cylinder filled to the brim with painted wooden blocks.

'I always thought those things were fun when I was little, but get whatever you think is fun' I joke.

'Ha ha' she says sarcastically.

We walked up and down the three aisles of toys, and eventually found ourselves on the sporting goods aisle.

I walk down to look at the fishing lures, which are oddly enough right next to anything and everything you'd need to play tennis except for rackets. Lauren is on the other end of the aisle looking at something.

'Hey, Randy, got any balls?' she asks out of the blue. I'm puzzled by the comment until I glance out of the corner of my eye and see her holding a tennis racket. I play dumb though.

'Well, you ought to remember. I mean, my balls are kind of the reason you're where you are today' I say with a straight face. Lauren laughs at this.

'Yeah, I got my balls right here' I add, picking up a package of tennis balls. Lauren just starts laughing even harder now.

'Well, are you ready to go? I promised mom I'd be back by 4:00' I say.

'Yeah, I suppose so' Lauren says.

On the way out, we pass by one of those machines that lets you fill plastic jugs with bottled water. I can't resist saying 'Hey Lauren, got any jugs?'

She looks at me like she's about to slap me. Then I point to the water thing. Then she does slap me.

'When did it start to rain?' Lauren asks.

'I don't know. Let me go get the car, and I'll pull around so you don't have to get wet' I offer.

'Oh, thanks' she says.

* * *

Lauren's POV

After a few minutes of waiting, Randy pulls up in the Nomad.

I walk outside, and get in the car as fast as I possibly can.

It's only then that I bother to look over at Randy.

He looks like somebody dunked him in a giant vat of chocolate pudding, and not an inch of his body is dry.

'Don't. Say. A. Word' he simply commands. I don't say anything, but start laughing.

'A dog that somebody had in their car got out, and knocked me over, right into a huge mud puddle' he explains.

'I'm sorry, it's not really funny' I apologize.

'No it isn't. Do you realize how disgusting it is to have mud actually _inside_ you underwear? It doesn't make it too pleasant to sit, I'll tell you that right now' Randy says. I start laughing uncontrollably at that.

* * *

A/N: First, a few words about my approach to writing this chapter. I was faced with a challenge of sorts. The challenge was to try and write something funnier than the chapter where everyone is having a fight. I don't feel that I succeeded, but I do hope it was almost as funny as the previously mentioned chapter. However, I have finally delivered on my promise of what I previously called "testicular humor".

I also want to say for the record, none of the comedy in this chapter is more crude than anything that has been featured on Home Improvement. (At least, not in my opinion).

Please R&R.

I hope everyone laughed at least once during this chapter, and I hope no one was overly disgusted by the mud thing at the end. Sorry if you was.

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	24. Chapter 23: The Dangerous C Cup

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 23

Randy's POV

'So, how was your first day of school?' mom asks almost as soon as I walk through the door.

'Typical' I answer.

'Oh come on, you don't have any more details than that for us? You could at least tell us what you had for lunch' Lauren says.

'Okay, let's try this on for size then' I begin. Mom rolls her eyes at me because she knows the kind of story that's coming. 'I had a slightly over cooked slice of cheese pizza without very much sauce on it, exactly nine stale tater tots that are quite possibly left over from the Kennedy administration, and a carton of chocolate milk that was partially made up of frozen chunks of the milk. I chewed everything approximately 115 and a half times' I joke. Mom just rolls her eyes again, but Lauren laughs at my little spiel.

'What about you two?' I ask.

'I only chewed my lunch 112 times' mom says.

Just then, the phone rings. I answer it, since I'm nearest to it.

'It's for you mom. I think it's Brad's soccer coach' I say after a minute.

Lauren and I try to listen in on the conversation but all mom says is "uh-huh, uh-huh, okay, I'll be right there".

'What's going on?' I ask.

'Brad hurt his leg at soccer practice. I need to go pick him up. We'll probably have to go to the emergency room, but I'll be back as soon as possible. I have a roast in the crock pot over there, you shouldn't have to do anything with it' mom says, zipping from one place to another, grabbing her keys, her purse, and all the other paraphernalia she needs to leave the house.

'How'd he hurt his leg?' I ask.

She hesitates, then says 'He slipped on a woman's undergarment is all the coach said. Listen, I need you to tell your dad everything when he gets home. He'll probably beat Brad and I home.'

Lauren just looks at me for a moment.

Then I say 'I could have some fun with this'.

'Yeah, I'm sure you could, but will you?' Lauren asks.

'Oh yes, I definitely will. You just mark my words, he'll never hear the end of this. I just wonder what he slipped on and why it was there' I say.

'Your mom said that he slipped on a-, oh, I see what you mean. It was probably some cheerleader who put it there because she chose dare instead of truth' Lauren guesses.

Lauren and I just hang out for a little while. Finally she announces that she has to go home. She has to go with her dad and Jonathan to meet that attorney, Randy Maple.

Not too long after that, dad gets home.

'So, where are your mom and brothers?' he asks, sounding annoyed.

'Brad got hurt at soccer practice, so mom's at the ER with him. Mark is rehearsing with Ronnie's band. What's the matter, bad day at work?' I say.

'Just take a look at me' dad says. I do look. I try not to burst out laughing when I see a piece of tile attached to his butt. Needless to say, I fail.

'Well what happened, were they out of tables for you to glue to your head?' I ask with a semi-straight face.

'Very funny. We had a group in the audience today that lost control. One of the members of Al's Gals tossed her bra on stage for Al. Al ducked to avoid being hit with it, and knocked off a can of Binford's Miracle Glue, and spilt it all over the floor. I tried to grab the can before it got bonded to the floor, and I wound up falling down, with my butt right in the middle of the glue. This is all the more flooring that Al and Warren could get cut off. Do you know if we have any fingernail polish remover?' dad explains.

'No, I don't think so. I think Mark used the last of it' I say.

'Damn. That's just my luck too. This is the only pair of pants I have left to wear' dad says.

'Well please, for God's sake, don't sit down on the couch. I'd like to see you lug that thing around attached to your butt' I say, bursting out in laughter once again.

'This isn't funny, you little wiseass' dad says, pointing a threatening finger at me.

'Look on the bright side. You could have landed face first and gotten the tile stuck on your crotch. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't think that would work as much of an aphrodisiac. Well, maybe for Mrs. Home Depot, but not for mom' I joke.

'I think I'll duct tape you to that couch and let _you_ lug it around' dad threatens.

'What am I going to do?' dad asks to no one in particular.

'What are you going to do about what?' mom asks as she walks through the door.

'Look at this' dad says, pointing to the pants he's taken off now.

'Tim, can't you at least wait until after dinner? I know it's been a while, but still...' mom says.

'No, this' dad says, turning the pants around.

'I...won't ask' mom says.

'I glued this to my butt today' dad explains.

'Like I said, I won't ask' mom repeats herself.

'No, you know, I think it's been a bad day for Taylor men and lingerie' I joke.

'What do you mean by that?' a puzzled Mark asks, standing in the doorway.

'Well, Brad hurt his leg when he slipped on a bra on the soccer field, then dad slipped on one and glued a tile to his butt at Tool Time' I explain.

'Are you all that sex crazed?' Mark asks.

'Hey, I have not had anything to do with bras' I say defensively.

'No, you don't hurt yourself with them, you just like taking them off of women' Mark taunts.

'Hey, now you take that back. You know I don't like talking about that' I say, hopping up off the couch and chasing Mark around.

We run up the stairs, then back down the stairs, and then into the kitchen. Mark runs around the island closest to the garage, and starts to fall down. He gropes at the counter, trying to pull himself back up. He inadvertantly grabs ahold of the cord to the crock pot, and yanks the crock pot down off the counter, and on to the floor. I see this, but can't stop in enough time, and wind up slipping on the juice of the roast, and fall down my self.

'This is one reason why I won't eat any damn meat!' I shout at the top of my lungs. This isn't what I intended to shout (I was hoping for something more along the lines of OUCH!), but that just happens to pop out.

Mom, dad, and Brad just stare at the two of us for a minute, not really knowing what to do, say, or think. Finally mom and dad walk over to us and help Mark and I get up.

'Are you two alright?' mom asks.

'I think I twisted my ankle' I say.

'Yeah, well I have other issues' Mark says, sounding like he's inhaled helium.

Mom helps me over to a spot on the floor, so I can lay down, while dad helps Mark over to the couch.

'Is there anything I can get you?' mom asks.

'Anything at all' dad says.

'How about an ice pack and a Playboy' I say, half jokingly. (The half I'm joking about is the Playboy).

'Well, I can help you out with the ice, but the magazine is a definite no' mom says, walking to the freezer.

'Come up to my room later, I can set you up with the Playboy' dad whispers.

'Tim! I heard that' mom barks from the kitchen.

'Yeah, well at least you can handle looking at a Playboy' Mark says, still therepeutically massaging his groin area to try and rid it of its pain.

'Hey, be careful what you say Mark, otherwise I'll be asking for Lorena Bobbitt to work some of her magic with you' I joke.

'Randy, that is not funny at all. What happened to her husband is the worse thing that can happen to a man' dad says.

'What about death?' I ask.

'Yeah, but at least you'd still have Ping and Pong intact down there in manland if you're dead' dad explains.

'So, it's not like you can use them' Brad says, speaking for the first time since Mark and I fell.

'Still, it's just one of those things. That's why you need to thank God you aren't a woman, otherwise you'd have to lose Big Jane and the Janettes before you die' dad jokes. Mom gives him "the" look for this comment.

'Tim, don't you think you're being a little explicit with the boys?' mom asks.

'Something tells me that I am' dad says. Mom just shakes her head at this.

'Well, what do you all think about pizza for dinner, since my roast is toast?' mom asks after a minute.

'That'd be great. I can go get it' dad offers.

'Uh, dad, you might want to put some pants on first' I remind him.

'I forgot about that. New plan; Jill, you can go get the pizza, and run by the mall and get me a pair of jeans' dad says.

'Okay. Yeah, I was thinking about picking up a new bra anyways' she teases. Brad and dad both flinch at the word bra. Mark and I both laugh at them.

'And I can get a new crock pot while I'm at it' mom jokes. Mark flinches at the word crock pot. I do not. (For some unknown reason).

Mom is on her way out to the garage, when dad looks like he remembers something.

'TIM!!' mom bellows from the garage.

'You might want to watch out for that Miracle Glue honey. You might not want to sit there too long, Jill, otherwise we'll have another problem' dad says.

* * *

A/N: Well, I hope you liked it. Next chapter I'm going back to some more serious stuff for a couple of chapters, just because I don't want to run out of funny ideas all at once. Don't worry, there are plenty more antics to come.

I do have to say, the bit about Randy wanting the ice and the Playboy isn't 100 percent mine. I got the idea from an older story I read on here, called "When Bad Things Happen to Good People". If you haven't read it, then I recommend you do so.

Thank you to Colin Creevey for giving me many, many ideas for this chapter.

Please R&R, unless you want me to glue a tile to your butt. (And don't think that I won't).

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	25. Chapter 24: Commitments

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 24

Randy's POV

'Hi Lauren. How did the meeting go with Randy Maple yesterday?' I ask Lauren over the fence.

'Not good. According to Randy, what Allan Davidson is doing is perfectly legal' Lauren answers with a sigh.

'I guess that means we just have to play the waiting game now' I say.

'Randy, what's the matter with your leg?' Lauren asks after she sees me walk over to the other side of the yard so I can begin watering the flowerbeds, which is what I'm supposed to be doing out here.

'It's a long story. I'll just say this much: It involves me, Mark, a crock pot, and a roast' I tell her.

'What about your dad? He seemed like he was in a pretty foul mood yesterday. Did something happen to him?' Lauren asks. I think she must have a future as a police detective.

'_That_ involves my dad, a bra, Binford Miracle Glue, and a tile' I say.

'Say no more' she says.

'So, how long is this Randy Maple guy going to be in town?' I ask.

'He'll be here for at least a couple of months. Why?' Lauren answers.

'I'd like to meet him. He sounds like an interesting guy' I say.

'Oh he is. Apparently he's been over in Germany for about fifteen years. He was in the air force, and he got stationed there, then he decided he liked Germany so much that he just stayed there after he'd served his time. Dad met him when he was over there to watch the Berlin Wall come down' Lauren explains.

'Wow. That sounds really cool' I comment.

'Oh yeah. Dad still has a piece of the wall that Randy gave him' Lauren tells me.

'Huh. I never knew that. I'm not surprised that he has a piece of the Berlin Wall. Well, I'd better get going. I promised mom that I'd get a hair cut today' I say.

'Uhh...Before you go, could we talk about something?' Lauren asks after hesitating for a few seconds.

'Yeah, sure' I say, stepping back up to the fence.

'Remember what we talked about about three months ago?' she asks.

'Yeah, I think so' I say since I have a pretty good idea what this is about.

'I've been thinking more and more about it lately' she says.

'So, are you saying that you want to get...you know, m-married?' I ask.

'Well...Yes. I don't know when or where, but I just know that I want what's best for our child' Lauren says.

'I have an idea. How about we got out for dinner tonight, and I could propose to you then? It's Tool Time's ninth anniversary today anyways, so I'll just mention that we should celebrate, so that way no one will suspect anything. Then after we all are finished eating, I can go ahead and do it then' I suggest.

'Alright. Sounds good to me' Lauren says, stepping down from her spot at the fence.

What Lauren doesn't know is that I have a few tricks up my sleeve for tonight. Yes, this is definitely not going to be an ordinary night out.

I dart inside the house and downstairs to my room to find the special place where I hid the engagement rings for Lauren and I. As soon as those are found, I stash them in the pocket of my jeans, and head off nonchalantly to my haircut. After that's over, I head over to Sorrentino's, to make some plans.

* * *

A/N: Sorry, I know the chapter is a little short, but I'm kind of starting to run out of ideas for this story.

Which brings me to a piece of news I'm sure probably most of you will consider sad and bad. Yes, this story is drawing to a close. I still have approximately eight chapters left, give or take. I plan on posting the last one, the epilogue, on Halloween night at around 10:30 US central time, so you all still have about a month and a half left.

R&R if you want to see what Randy has planned for the evening of this chapter.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for reviewing.

Oh, and I hope that the marriage talk between Lauren and Randy wasn't too fake or corny or lame or mushy or unrealistic or rushed.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor

P.S. I havea question for everyone.

What does everyone think about me going back and naming all the chapters for all of my stories? I already do this for Crash, but I've just never bothered with the others. Let me know what you think either by PMing me, or in your reviews. (Or maybe even both if you have nothing better to do today).


	26. Chapter 25: Will You Marry Me?

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 25

'Will You Marry Me?"

Randy's POV

'Hey dad, why don't we go out tonight for dinner, since it is the ninth anniversary of Tool Time?' I ask dad when he gets home.

'Oh, I suppose so. As long as it's alright with your mom' dad says.

'Could we invite Lauren and Wilson too? It was actually Lauren's idea to go out and celebrate' I say, trying to make my case.

'I don't see why not' he says.

'Great. I'll go over and tell them' I say, already half way to the back door.

I have such a great evening planned. Lauren may think I'm just going to propose to her, but I'm not. I'm going to surprise her at every possible opportunity.

* * *

Later That Evening

Randy's POV

Right now everyone is at the restaurant, waiting to be seated.

'Right this way' the hostess says after speaking with the restaurant manager for a moment.

She leads us through the ground floor dining area, up a marble staircase, and finally out to the balcony dining area.

'There must be some sort of mistake. We didn't have reservations for the balcony' dad says.

'Yes we did. I called ahead and had them set this up to make the night special' I say. Hey, it's not a total lie. I do want to make the night special.

'Well…Okay then' is all dad says.

We all sit down, and begin looking over the menu.

After we decide what we want, and the waiter (not Antonio!) takes our order, mom excuses herself to the restroom. She tosses me a look that says "Come here! We need to talk". I do as the look tells me.

'What's going on here Randy?' she asks once we're out of everyone else's earshot.

'Nothing. Like I said before, I just want to make tonight special' I say.

'Special for who?' mom asks.

'For everyone' I respond.

'Okay' she says, then heads on to the restroom. I do so as well, so that way I don't make anyone suspicious by coming back to the table too early.

Everything goes normally after we return to the table until the food arrives.

All the plates and bowls have gold around the edges. The silverware is actual silver, and the glasses aren't glasses, they're actually crystal ware. Mom gives me a questioning look that goes unnoticed by everyone else. I give her a reassuring look that says "I told you so".

Nothing special happens for the rest of the meal. Then when the waiter brings out dessert (Red Velvet cake with butter cream frosting, Lauren's favorite), and I offer to cut the cake for everyone. I cut pieces for mom, dad, Wilson, Brad, and Mark first. Then I bend down to get a plate for Lauren's piece of cake. Instead I drop down on to one knee, and grab the small black box that I dropped off here earlier today. By now, most of the staff of Sorrentino's, including the manager and owner, has come up to the balcony.

'I'm just going to get straight to the point here. Lauren Wilson, will you marry me?' I propose.

Lauren bursts out crying. Did I say something wrong? I look at Lauren, then mom for help. Oh God, maybe I shouldn't have done this here. Maybe I shouldn't have- Well no, this was Lauren's idea. God, why is she crying? Maybe it's hormones?

'Imzohabbtohaffu' she says through the steady stream of tears.

'I mean, I'm so happy to have you' Lauren says after she regains control of herself. Thank God it wasn't something I did or said.

'Is that a yes?' I ask, just to be on the safe side. She nods her head, smiles, and starts crying again.

* * *

A/N: Yes, I know; another short chapter. But if you're thinking about chapter length at this point, what's the matter with you?

I owe Baxxie a huge thank you (and probably even more than that) for coming up with Lauren's response to Randy's proposal. Everything I tried to write just made me want to throw up, it was so awful. So I think everyone who's reading just needs to take a moment and thank Baxxie for keeping you from throwing up.

Please R&R.

Thanks for reading.

Oh, and by the way, the reason I'm updating all my stories today is because I have to have yet another surgery done on my nose. This is supposed to be the final one though.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	27. Chapter 26: Early Marriage, Long Love

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 26

"Early Marriage, Long Love"

A/N: I want to say two things real quick before this chapter.

This is going to take place around a week before Hallowen, and will have a few people's thoughts on Randy and Lauren's marriage, and maybe a few other things.

This next comment is directed to the person who reviewed the last chapter under the name "Fay": I did not have plastic surgery done. I had to have a skin graft done on my nose (or rather the inside of my nose) to keep it from bleeding.

With that said, on with the chapter!

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor

* * *

Randy's POV

It's been about three and a half weeks since I proposed to Lauren at Sorrentino's. Life has been so hectic, trying to plan the wedding, on top of everyday stuff like dad setting fire to the toilet and blowing up the computer. (Don't ask me how he managed to do these things).

We have to set a date (either May 18 or May 25) and make all the other decisions too numerous to even think about. Of course we have help. Apparently mom has this friend, Sonya Watkins, who is a wedding planner, and she's been helping us. (At least she claims to be. To me, it seems like she's making things more complicated than what they need to be).

In all honesty, I have to say that I'm not so much nervous about _being _married, as I am about _getting _married.

This year has gone by so fast, it doesn't seem like it's possible for it to be Halloween yet. But then again, every time we turn around, something else is happening. Some other challenge is being thrown at this family and even some of the ones we're involved with.

* * *

Brad's POV

Randy's situation seems so familiar to me somehow. I don't know why.

Oh wait a second! I do too know why this all seems so familiar. It's what I wanted to do almost ten months ago.

I know, it seems like my attitude hasn't changed ever since we found out Lauren was pregnant. It may not seem like I'm happy for Randy and Lauren, but I really am. I guess I'm just letting my jealousy get the better of me.

* * *

Jill's POV

I still can't believe that Randy and Lauren are getting married. Especially after what happened to Brad not even a year ago.

Tim and I have talked to him, and he really seems to think he knows what he's doing. I hope he's right.

I remember when Tim and I got married. At first, I was so afraid that it wouldn't work out. Of course, it's not like my parents were a big help. When dad met Tim, he went through the roof. He forbade me to marry Tim, or anyone like Tim.

That'll probably be some help for Randy and Lauren, since Tim, Wilson, and I are all pretty supportive of them.

* * *

Tim's POV

This is a switch. Usually Jill's the worrier in our relationship, but I'm really worried about Randy getting married. I hope he's making the right decision.

Jill on the other hand couldn't be more excited about them getting married, or at least that's the way it seems.

I'm proud of Randy, but at the same time, I'm sad when I realize that he's growing up. It seems like just yesterday we was bringing him home from the hospital. So much has happened in what seems like such a short period of time. I used to always think my mother was insane when she would say that me or my brothers were growing up so fast. It never seemed fast to me. But now I know how she feels. It's kind of odd how that happens. You never realize that everything (or at least close to everything) your parents do is right, until you're in that same situation.

No matter, it doesn't seem right that Randy is getting married.

Before I know it, their son or daughter will be getting married. It seems like the older you get, the faster people grow up.

* * *

Wilson's POV

I find my long lost daughter who is pregnant, Thornton comes back into my life, and the aforementioned daughter is going to get married all in a year's time. I haven't been this happy since before Katheryn died.

Tim and Jill both seem a little apprehensive about Lauren and Randy being married, but I don't think there's too much to worry about. Like the German saying goes, "Early marriage, long love". I just hope this early marriage will survive the likes of Allan Davidson. I got another letter from his attorney, Janaki Greene, today, reminding us that as soon as the baby is born, it must be surrendered for DNA testing. Like we could forget.

On the flip side of my emotions, I think Lauren's pregnancy is going to wind up being nothing but nine months of hell.

* * *

Lauren's POV

Life just seems so perfect right now. Well, okay, save one minor detail. (This "minor detail" being Allan Davidson, a.k.a. the "major pain").

In the midst of being eight months pregnant and planning a wedding, I still haven't forgotten that Halloween is a week from now. And dad, Mr. Taylor, Mrs. Taylor, Mark, and I have come up with a prank to play on Brad and Randy. We even have Harry's Hardware and most of the local police department in on it.

What we're going to do is have one of dad's friends come over to our Halloween party and pretend to be two things: dad's girlfriend, and a witch. Then a couple days after that we're going to have dad and I "disappear", and make it seem like the witch did it to us. That's about as far as we've got right now, but I'm sure we'll come up with something else before the party, which is in three days. It'll get Brad and Randy back for everything they've ever done to the rest of us.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the long wait between updates. It's either been one thing or another that's prevented me from getting this written.

I think I pretty much have the rest of the story mapped out at this point, but I just want to say: disregard anything I've said before about there being x amount of chapters left, because the truth is, I don't even know how the hell many more chapters this story will have.

And yes, I know, I'm using the same prank used in season 8's Halloween episode, but I have no ideas on what kind of prank could possibly be done, and the prank is a vital part to the rest of this story. (And I do mean vital).

Thanks for reading and reviewing, and once again, sorry about the long wait between updates. You can expect the rest of my stories to be updated at some point in time over the next few days.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	28. Chapter 27: Move Over Stevie Nicks

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 27

"Move Over Stevie Nicks"

Randy's POV

'Your dad's party was great last night' I tell Lauren. We're sitting in the living room at my house, watching TV.

'Did you see that one woman who said she was a witch? I mean, you don't really think she could be a witch, do you?' she asks.

'No. I could believe that she practices Wicca or something, you know, some avid Stevie Nicks fan that's a little cuckoo' I say.

'Come on now, you know Stevie isn't a witch or Wiccan or anything like that' she says.

'I know, I know' I smile.

'Do you want to come over tonight and meet Randy Maple?' Lauren asks, changing the subject. She hates it when anyone criticizes Stevie Nicks, or anyone else in Fleetwood Mac.

'Yeah, I'd love to. What time should I be there?' I say.

'Around 7:30' she answers.

'Sounds great' I say.

Things are going just the way I planned for them to. Brad was right; this Halloween prank is going to be awesome. It's really kind of simple. I disappear (over to Heidi's house), and make everyone think something's happened to me. Heidi and Wilson are in on it all too. Al wanted to help, but we weren't actually stupid enough to let him do so.

* * *

Lauren's POV

This is going to be so cool. Randy will show up next door, and the house will end. If he plays into my plan, he'll go asking Jonathan for help to find dad and me, but Jonathan won't, since he's part of the plot too.

I just hope he doesn't get overly concerned, since dad and I were really kidnapped only a few months ago.

* * *

Wilson's POV

I wish someone would remind me again why I let my self get involved in two conflicting Halloween pranks. Now of course, no one else knows about this. But I guess this kind of stuff happens when 7 people have to share one Wilson.

I'm definitely curious to see how everything plays out.

* * *

7:30 PM

Randy's POV

It's all good so far. I told everyone that I was feeling a little tired, and they should go out and eat without me. It's then that I snuck over to Heidi's, making sure to avoid letting Lauren see me doing so.

* * *

Tim's POV

'Tim, we have a problem. I don't see Randy anywhere' Jill says, coming down the stairs in a panic.

'Okay, you drive around, and I'll call around' I say, walking over to the phone.

I dial Heidi's number first.

'Hello' Heidi answers.

'Hi Heidi, it's Tim. Have you seen Randy? We just got back from dinner, and can't find him anywhere' I say.

'No, I haven't seen him. I'll call you if I find out anything' she says.

'Okay, thanks' I say.

I call everybody else I know, except for Wilson, since he isn't home. Nobody's seen Randy. Brad doesn't seem to know either. Where could that kid be?

The last call I make is to Aubrey Albright, the woman who pretended to be Wilson's girlfriend, and a witch. She is also letting Wilson and Lauren stay with her while they play this little joke.

'Hi Aubrey, it's Tim Taylor. Is Wilson there?' I ask when she answers.

'Yes, just a minute' she says. The next voice I hear is Wilson's.

'Wilson, it doesn't look like your prank is going to work. Randy has gone missing. I've called around; no one knows where he is' I say.

'I'm sure he'll show up soon. Like the ancient Italian saying says-' Wilson assures me.

'I don't have time for ancient Italian sayings Wilson. I need to find my kid' I say, interrupting Wilson. Then I get off the phone, and walk over to the couch.

Jill walks through the door a few minutes later, and says she didn't see him either. This is not good on so many levels.

* * *

A/N: 'Tis the time for the chapters to start getting shorter.

So now we have two Halloween pranks planned that could possibly cancel each other out. Are you confused? Yeah, me too.

Sorry for switching people's POVs a lot, but that's what happens when you have eight people all trying to pull a prank on each other. I hope you all can deal with it for at least a couple of chapters.

Please R&R, I do appreciate it.

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	29. Chapter 28: Let Me Give You a Hand

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 28

"Let Me Give You a Hand"

Lauren's POV

Now I'm worried about Randy. What could have happened to him? It's not like him to just up and disappear.

Plus, it really messes up the prank.

'Dad, if Randy hasn't been found by tomorrow afternoon, then I think we should call this prank off, and start looking for him' I say out of the blue. He just nods his head.

* * *

Brad's POV

This isn't good. Lauren and Wilson weren't supposed to go missing.

I volunteered to go driving around, looking for Randy and went to Heidi's to tell Randy about Wilson and Lauren's disappearances.

'What do you mean they're not there?' Randy asks.

'They're gone too. That other guy, Randy #2 came over and asked if we'd seen Wilson or Lauren. He said there's no trace of anyone being in the house' I explain.

'Don't you see what's going on?' he asks. I shake my head at this.

'Lauren was planning a prank for Halloween too. Okay, from here on out, we need to either tell Wilson nothing, or the wrong information if we're going to win at this' I say.

'You really think that's it?' I ask.

'Do you really think there's more to it than that?' Randy counters.

'Good point' I say.

'Just come by here or call when Lauren and Wilson are back. Then we can continue on with our prank' he smiles, looking almost malicious when he mentions continuing with the prank. I nod my head, and head back home.

* * *

The Next Afternoon

Lauren's POV

We've officially given up on the prank so everyone can try to find Randy. Jonathan has even made it his number one priority.

At first I thought maybe something fishy was going on, but I don't think so.

'Oh my God!' I hear dad holler from the other room. I get in there as fast I can.

'What happened?' I ask.

'I found this package in the mail' he answers. He steps away to reveal a box containing two things: a bloody arm and a blood soaked note.

'What's the return address?' I ask when I regain my voice.

'There is none. Someone must have delivered this personally' dad answers.

'What does the note say?' I ask.

'I don't know' he says.

I walk over and pick the note up where it isn't bloody (which is very difficult to do, since there's so much blood).

Without the blood, the note reads:

T s co d e y u

Be re L re

'Does this mean what I think it means?' I ask after we get most of the note decoded.

'I'm hoping not. It's probably just Allan Davidson trying to scare us or something' dad says. I'm not so sure.

Just then I see Brad standing outside, knocking on the back door. I go to answer it.

'Are you all alright? I heard a scream' Brad says.

'Yes. No. I don't know. We found this package in the mail, and it has a bloody arm and note inside of it. We don't know who it's from though' I say, leading Brad to the kitchen, where the package is.

'Oh, it's just a fake arm with fake blood' Brad says. Then adds 'Dad taught us all about fake body parts and fluids.'

He picks up the arm, and then looks down at in terror.

'What's the matter?' dad asks.

'This is heavier than a fake arm should be' Brad says, closely observing every part of the limb now.

'Do you have a butcher's knife I could borrow?' he asks, still not breaking the concentrated gaze he has on the arm. I go over to one of the drawers in the kitchen, and take out the biggest, sharpest, most menacing looking knife I can find.

Brad takes it from my hand, then sets the arm down on top of some old newspapers on the table. Then he backs up, holds the knife up in the hair, then quick as a samurai slices through the arm. Strike that, part of the arm.

For a few seconds, everyone in the room stares at the ghastly sight.

'There's an arm in there. A human arm' Brad says after a minute, looking mortified.

* * *

Wilson's POV

This wasn't in Randy and Brad's plans. Maybe something really did happen to Randy. I'm not sure if I should show this to Tim and Jill or not. If it is just a prank, I don't want to upset them, but if it isn't, I could never forgive myself for withholding this. What to do, what to do.

* * *

A/N: So who will win the battle of the Halloween pranks? There's only one way to find out, and that's to keep on reading.

I have to be honest, the arm wasn't in my original plans for this chapter. Let's just say my original idea was a little more grotesque. If you think you really want to know what the idea is, let me know, and I'll send it to you in a private message.

Please R&R. Thanks for both.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	30. Chapter 29: Helloween Eve

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 29

"Helloween Eve"

Randy's POV

It's the night before Halloween, and nearly everyone is clueless to where I am. But here's my plan for tonight: A note will be sent to Brad by my "kidnappers" saying that I will be at Wilson's house at 11:00 tonight. Hopefully this will lure at least a few people over there. Around 11:00, Heidi, under a heavy disguise, is going to deliver a huge box to Wilson's doorway. (Brad told me all about them coming home). This is going to have a life size, life like, but nonetheless fake me inside of it. The real me will creep in through a window that Brad will have opened for me a few minutes prior, and then I'll scare everyone waiting for me to show up, and then announce that it was all a Halloween prank, and me and Brad can have our laughs.

Yeah, I guess mom was right; Brad, Mark, and I did inherit dad's love for Halloween. (And his sick taste in Halloween pranks).

* * *

11 o'clock October 30, 1998

Jill's POV

I for one would like to know exactly what's going on here. It's 11:00, and there is still no sign of Randy, or anyone else for that matter.

All the possible scenarios keep playing out in my mind, whether I want them to or not. What if Randy's dead? The hand that Wilson got in the mail points to this. What if he isn't dead, but whoever took him just cut his hand off? What if Randy doesn't even show up here? What if the kidnappers never had any intention of giving Randy back to us? Who could have even taken Randy? That Allan Davidson kid?

Honestly, I don't know how Tim is keeping his cool while everyone else is over here going insane.

* * *

Tim's POV

I haven't let on to it, but Randy's disappearance is upsetting me more than anyone could ever imagine. It's bringing up emotions that I haven't felt since my dad died. Whoever it is that took Randy is going to be very, very sorry, and that's a promise.

I sneak a glance at my watch. 11:06, and still no Randy. Maybe Jonathan was right, and the note was a fake that got sent here to toy with everybody's emotions.

There's one thing here that doesn't make sense about the note that Brad got. The kidnappers don't want anything. No money, nothing of value, nothing at all. It just doesn't add up. Why would anyone kidnap someone, tell the family of the kidnapped that they're going to bring the kidnapped person back, and not demand a damn thing?

All of a sudden there's a knock at the door. As soon as everyone hears the knock, they jump up and dart to the front door.

* * *

Lauren's POV

Just a couple of minutes to go until eleven.

I'm sad about Randy disappearing, and the hormones are making it worse.

Every time I think about that note and that fake/real arm (which I'm trying not to do real often), it makes me sick.

I keep going over it in my head, and there's only one possibility: Allan Davidson must've done this since his attempt to kidnap me and dad a few months ago failed.

Out of nowhere, there's a knock at the front door. That must be Randy and his kidnappers! Everyone literally jumps up, and goes running toward the door.

* * *

Randy's POV

It's a little after eleven, and I'm crouched outside the open window I'm going to sneak in through when I hear a knock at the door. That must be Heidi with the big refrigerator box.

While everyone's distracted with the box, I climb in through the window, and wait to make my move.

Then I hear two ear piercing shrieks; I'm assuming one from mom, and one from Lauren. But I guess a wax replica of your middle son, or in Lauren's case, fiancée, that has had fake blood poured on it can do that.

I guess this is as good a time as any to let my presence be known to someone other than Brad and Jonathan.

Making sure not to make any noise, I tiptoe out of the bathroom, past the Tibetan meditation room, and take a left immediately after the tiki bar. Then I sneak up behind mom (everybody is sitting the opposite direction) when I get to the living room, and tap her on the shoulder.

'What is it Tim?' she asks through tears.

'Nothing. I'm sitting over here' dad says, sounding upset too.

'Well then who tapped me on the shoulder?' mom asks. Still, no one looks in my direction.

'Me' I answer.

'Randy? Randy? Randy! Oh my God, Randy! You're alive! What happened? Where have you been?' mom asks, starting out in whisper, and quickly crescendoing. Lauren turns around to look at me, smiling and crying.

Jonathan and Brad are, of course, the only ones who don't really react, since they knew this was going to happen. It doesn't take mom and dad too long to notice this. Before either of them can say anything, I decide to come clean.

'I just want to say one thing. Happy Halloween!' I announce. Brad, Jonathan, and I start laughing, while everyone else (mom, dad, Mark, Lauren, and Wilson) look at us like we're crazy.

'So…This was all a joke. A Halloween prank. Why did you do this?' Lauren asks.

'Well, Brad and I would like to know the same thing about you and Wilson' I say.

'How did you find out about that?' Lauren asks, looking puzzled.

'Well, I had a pretty good idea that that was what you all was going to do, but you just confirmed the idea' I smile. Lauren starts laughing, as does everyone else soon after.

* * *

A/N: This probably isn't the best chapter I've ever written, but I'm just at a loss for ideas right now for this story.

Anyways, please R&R. I have one last funny chapter coming everyone's way next update; then about three chapters after that.

Thanks for reading, and remember, this Friday night at 10:30 is the final update for this story.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	31. Chapter 30: Helloween

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 30

"Helloween"

Randy's POV

'Wow. Listen to this dad' I say, looking up from today's paper. I'm sitting on the couch, and dad is in the kitchen fixing a sandwich for lunch.

'I'm listening' he says.

'In today's Dave Barry column, Dave is talking about this doctor in India who wanted to study the effects of human blood on the human stomach when taken orally. So what he did is make one of his colleagues a sandwich with bone marrow on it, then gave it to the colleague telling him that the sandwich had a special sauce on it that his sister sent from America. Now that sounds disgusting' I read.

I turn around to look at dad's reaction, and see mom standing in the kitchen too. Both of them look like they're about to get sick.

'That was absolutely disgusting Randy. Where did you see that at?' mom asks.

'It's in today's Dave Barry column' I answer.

'Well no wonder that's where you heard it. It's probably something he just made up' mom says, digging in the fridge for something.

'If you say so' I sigh.

I turn around again to look at dad, who is trying to scrape the last bit of mayonnaise from the jar. What he doesn't know is that Brad and I came up with the genius idea of lining Binford's Miracle Glue around the sides of the jar, so whoever sticks their hand in their will get it stuck. I fight the urge to smile when dad starts trying to free his hand from the mayo jar.

'Honey, I think I have a bit of a problem' dad says.

'What is it?' mom asks.

'My hand is stuck' he says through gritted teeth.

'Try letting go of the knife, then try pulling your hand out' mom suggests.

'I can't move my hand. It's stuck in this damn thing' dad says. He's clearly getting frustrated now.

'How'd you manage to get it stuck, anyway?' mom asks.

'I was trying to find the gold at the end of the rainbow. It's a mayonnaise jar Jill, what do you think I was trying to do?' dad replies sarcastically.

'You're the Tool Man, you ought to know how to get your hand out of the jar' mom says.

'Let me think…let me think' dad says.

'Why should I let you start thinking now, you haven't the past 45 years' mom jokes.

'Very funny. Go get a stick of margarine out of the fridge. We can try rubbing some of that around my hand, and maybe get it to slide out' dad suggests.

Brad and I really are geniuses for thinking of doing this. Hey, if there can be such a thing as last minute Christmas shopping, why can't we have last minute Halloween pranking?

Now mom is trying to grease up dad. That…That didn't sound right, even if it's just a thought in my mind.

'Okay, margarine is a bad idea. Go out to the garage and get a bottle of WD-40' dad instructs. Mom doesn't move at first. Brad is downstairs now.

'Jill, go get the WD-40 from the garage please' dad repeats himself.

'I can't. I can't get my hand out now either' mom says. This is too funny.

'Brad, could you go out to the garage, and get the WD-40, then come in here and squirt some on your mom and me's hands?' dad asks. Brad does so, and to no avail either.

'You have to get it down in there further' mom tells him. So Brad sticks the bottle down further into the jar.

'That's too far! Take it out a little bit' mom orders.

'Just put some on your hand, wedge your hand under ours, and rub the oil on our hands' dad says.

Brad does this, but that doesn't work either.

'I guess you're going to have to drive us to the emergency room Brad' mom says.

'No can do. I can't get my hand out now either' Brad says. (It's a big mayonnaise jar, and mom does have small hands).

'Randy, you'll have to take us then' dad says. I start laughing when I think of how great this has worked out.

'What's so funny?' mom asks.

'This. Mine and Brad's plan. See, we came up with the idea to put that extra strength Binford Miracle Glue on the inside of the jar, so whoever put their hand or hands in there would get them stuck' I explain with sporadic bouts of laughter.

'Why did you two do that? Wasn't the other Halloween prank enough for you two?' mom asks.

'Halloween prank or not, you're still going to have to take us three to the hospital so we can get this jar off our hand' dad says.

'Okay, okay. Head out to the garage, I'll be there in a minute' I say. After everyone is gone, I take a minute to think over everything. Not just everything with the mayonnaise jar, but everything that's happened over the past nine months or so. I have to admit, everything feels strange today, even for Halloween. The honking of the Nomad's horn snaps me out of these thoughts, and I grab the car keys, and head out to the garage.

* * *

Around 7:00 p.m.

Randy's POV

Thank God the fiasco with the mayonnaise is done with. Mom has banned me from going anywhere near any condiments for the rest of this year.

Right now mom and dad are over at Al's Halloween party, and Wilson is at a costume party in Dierborn. Brad is at a friend's party, and Mark is…doing God only knows what out on the streets of Detroit.

Then I hear the doorbell ringing. I get up, grab the big bowl of candy en route, and open the door. Standing at the door is not a trick or treater, but Lauren, and she's looking quite shaken.

'What's the matter?' I ask, sitting the bowl of candy down on the computer desk.

'My water broke Randy' she says, sounding panicked.

'Okay, Lauren, I know you want to get me back for what me and Brad did to you, but don't you think this is a bit much' I say.

'I'm not kidding Randy. This baby is coming now!' Lauren shouts.

'Uh….Um….Okay….Uh, well, we need to get you to a hospital then. Come on, we'll take the Nomad, since it's the only car you can get into. We'll call your dad and my parents on the way over there' I say, trying to think clearly. We hop into action as soon as I finish my sentence. Or maybe I should say I hop, and Lauren waddles into action.

* * *

A/N: I know it wasn't as funny as what everyone was probably expecting, but I've funnied myself out, so to speak.

The Dave Barry column Randy was talking about in the beginning is in fact a real Dave Barry column.

Please R&R. I'll be updating two chapters tonight, then the epilogue tomorrow night.

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	32. Chapter 31: Double Trouble

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 31

A/N: Okay, so I know I promised two updates tonight, and that's what everyone will get. They're just going to be two very, very short updates.

* * *

"Double Trouble"

Randy's POV

Lauren and I are almost to the hospital now. I called mom and dad; they're coming right here from their party. Wilson is on his way too.

'Randy, I don't think I can walk into the emergency room' Lauren says when we get to the hospital. Her contractions are coming closer and closer together now.

'Okay, stay here and I'll go get some help' I say. I dart through the two sets of automatic doors, and run to the doctor who is working triage.

'There's a pregnant woman that's in labor outside. The contractions are coming so close and powerfully she can't even make it into the hospital on her own' I blurt out to the doctor.

'Okay, we'll have some doctors and nurses right out with a wheelchair' the doctor says, jumping into action. I head back outside to be with Lauren.

When the mob of doctors and nurses arrive outside (which only takes a few seconds), I head around to the front of the car to give them space to work.

Then out of nowhere, I see a blinding flash of lights, and hear tires screeching on the pavement as someone makes a failed attempt to stop their vehicle. Then I feel a burning sensation all over my body. Then…blackness.

* * *

Sometime Later

Randy's POV

'Randy…Randy…Can you hear me? Randy' I hear mom say. Where am I? What's going on?

I open my eyes, and take in my surroundings. When I see them, I do a double take. Standing around me is: a naked turtle and a turtle shell. Then I remember everything about today and tonight.

'Lauren…How's Lauren doing?' I ask immediately.

'Doctors are taking care of her. What we need to know right now is how you're doing' the naked turtle, mom, says.

'I hurt a little bit, but I'm alright other than that' I say.

'Do you remember what happened?' dad, the shell, asks.

'No. The last thing I remember is seeing car lights and hearing tires scree-' I pause mid-sentence. A look of terror must've washed over my face, because mom starts explaining what happened.

'Someone ran into you while you was outside. You passed out for about an hour' mom explains.

'What about Lauren?' I ask. Mom and dad share a nervous glance. 'What? What's going on?' I ask.

'Well…The babies aren't doing too well' mom says.

'Babies? There's more than one? Lauren had twins? What's going on with them?' I ask in a rush.

'Well, two of them have been having breathing troubles' dad says.

'Two of them? How many babies are there?' I ask, getting a little frightened at the thought of raising multiple children.

'Three' mom answers.

'When can I see her? When can I see the kids?' I ask.

'It's still going to be quite a while' the nurse in my room says.

'So, what are the genders?' I ask after the nurse leaves.

'Two girls and a boy. It's one of the girls and the boy who are having the problems' mom says.

Of all nights to get hit by a car, it had to be tonight. I shouldn't be here right now, I should be in the maternity ward, with Lauren, with my children. Shoot! I just remembered Allan Davidson, and his damn court ordered paternity test thing.

No, this isn't good at all. Not one bit.

* * *

A/N: Okay, so there's update one. The next one is coming soon, with a bonus update to follow tomorrow morning.

Please R&R!

Thanks for reading.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	33. 32: 3 Minus 1 Equals Nine Months of Hell

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 32

"3 Minus 1 Equals Nine Months of Hell"

Randy's POV

'Excuse me, is there a Mr. Taylor in here?' a doctor says, peeking through the door.

'Yes, that's me' I say.

'Oh. I need to speak with you a moment. In private' she says, looking at mom and dad.

'They're my parents' I explain.

'Oh. Well, in any case, I'm Dr. Rasgotra, the OB attending who's been treating Lauren and her babies' she says.

'What's going on?' I say.

'The little boy is doing fine, and should pull through. The little girl, however wasn't so lucky. I'm sorry, she didn't make it. Not to be the bearer of more bad news, but you also need to submit a DNA sample for a court ordered paternity test, or so I'm told by Janaki Greene, attorney at law' the doctor explains.

'Okay. When will I need to do this?' I ask.

'You can do it right now. We just need to get a saliva sample from you' Dr. Rasgotra explains.

* * *

A Few Days Later

Randy's POV

'Lauren, we have the DNA test results' I say, sitting at the table in Wilson's dining room.

'Well, what do they say?' she asks.

'And, according to the state of Michigan, Allan Davidson is _**not**_, I repeat _**not**_, the father of our children!' I announce with a huge smile.

Yes, life is good, even though one child didn't survive. It may have been nine months of hell, but there were some great, great times along the way.

* * *

A/N: Sorry, I couldn't have this chapter be totally, 100 percent happy. It's just part of being Mr. Mean Author.

Two chapters left now, one coming either tomorrow morning or afternoon, and then finally tomorrow night at 10:30 p.m. US central time.

Please R&R, and thanks very much for doing so.

-Yours truly, Randy Taylor


	34. Chapter 33: Eternally Yours

Nine Months of Hell Chapter 33

"Eternally Yours"

Randy's POV

'You may now kiss the bride' the minister says. I do.

Today has been the perfect day. I was worried there for a while that it might not happen. About a month ago I got pneumonia real bad in one lung, and was sick up until the beginning of this week.

A lot has happened since the February before last. Hell, a lot has happened since last Halloween when Katheryn, Michael, and Tyana were born. I'm just fearing the day when Lauren and I have to explain to Katheryn and Michael what happened to Tyana, but I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

To think that this all began with a not so innocent sleep over. If it wasn't for that sleep over, who knows what would have happened. I might've wound up taking that school trip to Costa Rica. I could be in Costa Rica right now, for that matter.

* * *

Lauren's POV

What a day. What a day.

What's this? Huh, it looks like a letter from Randy.

_My dearest Lauren, on our wedding day_

_You make even the brightest of life seem gray_

_With your radiant smile_

_As you walked down the aisle_

_I asked for your hand in marriage, and you gave much more_

_You won't be sorry, when you see what life has for you in store_

_Disregard what Allan Davidson said earlier, he's such an ass_

_He's a loser, and you're definitely out of his class_

_I just wanted you to know_

_That even though_

_We're young; I'll still love you, even when our biggest concern is bed sores_

_Because, you see, I am eternally yours_

* * *

A/N: I hope the poem wasn't too cheesy, or mushy, or cliché or anything like that. Sorry if it was, but as I've said before, romance isn't my genre.

And Tyana, I hope it was alright for me to use your name. If you want me to change it, I will.

Please R&R! We have the epilogue coming up in about five hours or so.

Thanks for reading. You all have been great readers.

-Eternally yours, Randy Taylor


	35. Epilogue: Happily Ever After

Nine Months of Hell Epilogue

"Happily Ever After"

Third Person POV

'…Ladies and gentleman, the class of 2000!' Lakeside High's principal said one final time. As she finished her sentence, the graduating class tossed their caps up in the air as is tradition.

As they walked out of the school gymnasium, each and every one of them began the rest of their lives. This was the moment their parents had equally dreaded and anticipated for the past eighteen years. Twenty years from now, most of them would be standing here, remembering old times, and perhaps even remembering this very moment.

One couple walked out much happier than the others, since they had begun their life together a year prior.

'Watch out world, Randy and Lauren Taylor are ready to take on any challenge you throw at them' the boy of the couple said. They walked off into the southern Michigan sunlight, smiling at each other.

Now some may say this only happens in fairy tales and on TV shows, but they lived happily ever after.

The End

* * *

A/N: This story has come a long ways from being a story I wasn't even sure I would like, let alone finish and manage to stretch into 35 chapters.

I'm sure most people out there don't read the huge long author's notes that I write, so I'll try to keep this as short as I can. (Which probably won't be too short).

I need to thank Baxxie first and foremost for making this story what it is, literally. I had Heidi being the pregnant one originally, as opposed to Lauren. Baxxie told me that that was unrealistic (which it is, I just wasn't thinking at the time), and I decided that I would change it to Lauren instead. She's also helped out many other times with this story, and all the others too. She's also one of my most loyal readers. Thank you!

I need to thank Colin Creevey who has helped out as well, mainly in the humor department. I couldn't write without him or Baxxie. (Well I could, but no one would probably like my stories near as much). He too, is one of my most loyal readers.

And most importantly, I want to thank you. Yes, you. Writers only do about fifty percent of the work. We write stories. It's the readers who determine the successfulness of the story that the writers write. Thank you for making this story a success.

This is, yet again, another bittersweet moment for me. I don't want to say goodbye to yet another story. I do have some more stories in store, but I won't start any of them until after I finish either The Ruins of Our Lives, or Crash. (I'll most likely finish RoUL before Crash).

Please R&R, even though this is the last chapter. You can still show appreciation for this story, and let the entire fan fiction world know how you feel about Nine Months of Hell.

Thanks for reading all thirty five chapters. I appreciate it very much.

Happy Halloween everybody!

-For the final time here, yours truly, Randy Taylor


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